My contribution for the February/March edition...
Well, it’s February and parents, you know what that means! It’s an opportune time to talk to your teenagers about dating and relationships. At least, that will be the topic we’ll be covering in shift the coming weeks. Even though we will be discussing this in youth, it’s crucial to that you don’t neglect your responsibility as a parent in this important area of life training.
So as a parent of a teenager, where do you begin?
Get a Biblical perspective. Be reading the Word, consult it on matters of sexuality. There are many great verses that map out very clear directions on ‘keeping you from the immoral woman’ and ‘rejoicing in the wife of your youth’, ‘fleeing from sexual impurity’ and of course, ‘anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ The Bible is a road map for every area of our lives, including sexuality, but like any good map, you need to study it to reach your intended destination.
Here are some tips to help you broach this difficult subject.
Bring the Holy Spirit into the conversation with you. Pray about how God wants you to speak to your children, to give you discernment when and how to discuss matters, and what depth to go to. Information about sexual relations can be heavy baggage for a young person to carry, so as parents we must ascertain how much they need to know and when is the right time to discuss particulars. At the same time, consider that your teenager is being bombarded with the world’s message of sexuality all the time. We both know that the world’s message is quite different than God’s. The world is shouting their message, how timidly are you representing Gods?
Realize that this will not be a one time conversation. I hate the term ‘The Talk’ because it implies that it’s a single, harrowing experience for both teenager and parent. Having one conversation about sex with your teenager and thinking you’ve educated them completely is like having them read a paragraph about parachuting and deciding they are ready for their first solo jump from an airplane. You may have had notes and covered everything, but your young person may not remember one thing from that first conversation because they are so stunned by the subject matter! When do any of us listen and learn the first time we hear something? You will need to start early, talk clearly, and talk often. I tell my children they can tell me anything and we’ll talk about everything. We’ve done this since they were toddlers, so they know within the four walls of our home, any topic is open for discussion.
Set clear boundaries for your teenager and hold them accountable. Again, it’s important to remember that the world’s message of sexuality is loud and constant. We need strategize for success for our teenagers. Make an agreement with your teenager on guidelines for them to follow such as; group dating only, specific curfew times, modest clothing requirements. Guidelines give your teenager a sense of security and a clear understanding of your expectations. Hold them accountable to these guidelines. If they want adult privileges such as dating or makeup or phone calls with the opposite sex, they need to behave in an adult way, respecting the boundaries you have established and they have agreed to. Give them a clear end–goal; reaching the altar with purity intact, and honoring God a lifestyle of integrity.
References; Proverbs 1:6:24, Proverbs 5:18, 1 Corinthians 6:18, Matthew 5:28
