happy birthday baby
Better late than never. We kind of did birthday all weekend, starting with dinner on Thursday, then Six Flags (with no camera) on Saturday and then lunch at Red Lobster on Sunday with a birthday bash on Sunday night. I'm a bit birthdayed out. :) But it's over and he's twenty-nine and we survived.
Been a weird day. Lots of mental going on - just some big relational stuff that I don't want to share here, even though it would probably make me feel better. I'm always surprised at people's power to hurt me. And my ability to feel like poop about myself - even though they are the one's doing the hurting. grrr. I wish I would grow up and find (and retain) my worth in God and KNOW that that is enough. YES, I am a terribly flawed person and I make mistakes (daily, unfortunately) but NEWSFLASH PEOPLE - I'm not the only one. double grrr.
I'm just tired of hurting. Sometimes I just want to stop loving people because I think that's about the only way it will ever stop. But that's not what God has called us to do - in fact just the opposite. But lately I feel myself pulling away - for protection, I guess, but it still hurts and now I just feel more lonely. Sometimes I think, I'm never going to be good enough on my own. Guess I just need more of God. Maybe I just need to realize I'm enough in Him and rely on that. We are focusing in Sunday School on Day 2 - being created as an object of His affection. I still need to understand that I am exactly who I am because He made me that way. It still hits me hard once in a while - big nose and all - I am who He designed me to be. Ok, now I'm rambling. Time to konk on the couch with Rob. toodles.
3 comments:
Hey don't fall over dead that I'm actually commenting on your blog... so what is going on? You didn't mention being upset about anything when I talked to you yesterday. call me sometime today if you want to talk.
Lori
Ok I'm one of your stalkers. Don't do it too often but did today. So i'm commenting here for this one and the last one too.
I also visit this blog everyday-
http://melodyross.typepad.com/
She is very insightful. I think you would like it. She really gets to the heart of the matter. And as far as growing up to the point that what people say about you not hurting... are you sure you want to be that kind of person either? You sound like you have it in perspective- they are being the jerks. A theme in my life lately has been: people are not the enemy. Satan is the enemy & how we respond to what they do. Hope this helps.
Jennifer- CU
Jennifer-
Wow. That's really cool that you read it, I never would have guessed. Thanks for the encouragement - we all need it from time to time, don't we? I will check out your linkie-poo, add it to my list of blogs I read. Hope you (and your stores) are doing really well, I totally miss shopping there. St. Louis stores leave a lot to be desired for a Heidi Swapp slut like me! :) God bless! -a
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