Help! My teenager won’t listen to me!
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this statement from a frazzled parent of one of my students. I completely understand the frustration of feeling like your child is simply not hearing, or caring what you say. How do you cope with a teenager who doesn’t listen? Here are a few guidelines.
Pray before you say anything. We have a tendency to react in the heat of the moment. And often times that first reaction may not be our best reaction. We also have a tendency to lean heavily on human reasoning, rather than our relationship with the creator of the universe (who happened to design your teenager as well). Before you decide what to say, especially on the critical issues, consult the Counselor. Make sure your words are lining up with His heart for your teenager.
Whatever you say, say it in love. You may have the best intentions, and even say the right things, but your tone or body language can instantly undo everything your words are communicating. Studies have shown that up to 93% of communication happens through tone of voice, facial expression and body language. Remember from consulting the Counselor, that His motivation is always love. Ours should be as well. 1 Corinthians 13: 6-7 paints a picture of what real love is and isn’t. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” We should speak truth to teenagers, but always with love. Make sure all of your person is engaging this conversation with love as the highest aim.
Say it often. When you, have decided what to say, and learn to say it in love, remember to say it often. You may begin to feel like a parrot in a pet store, but that’s ok. In youth ministry, we repeat a point over and over, for weeks, sometimes even months or years. How many times? Until they start to repeat it back to you. Until you see them start to live it in their own life. Then you know that they’ve caught the message.
Stay strong, be vigilant. It may help you to remember one of my favorite proverbs, Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I repeat this verse often as a personal mantra over my own children, and I encourage you to hang on to it as well. We serve a mighty God and it is His desire that not one should perish. We can trust that He is working in our teenagers lives with every bit the fervor that we are. The best part is, that He has a much stronger success rate that we do. Go ahead and lean on His strength.
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