Anna-thology

Reflections on Camp

Whew. What a whirlwind week. As I am typing we are zipping towards Lebanon to pick up the kiddos. I can't believe it's been eight days already. I miss them, but in some ways it seems like just yesterday we dropped them off with Grammy G. :) I suppose it's only because we've spent less than 24 hours total in our house since last Saturday. We've just been so incredibly insanely go go go!!! I feel like we've become Craig and Tricia or Travis and LeAnn and I'm starting to wonder if eternal business is the curse of youth pastors. I just want to sit and rest and play on the internet. I'm not even on right now – I'm typing it and saving it as a document to paste in when I have the time. I'm just so excited to share all these things with you that I don't want to wait until whenever it's more convenient.

I'm afraid this will be a long post – but you'll just have to deal with it. Scroll down or click away if you're not interested. First you might note that I changed my blog title AGAIN. I do this to keep your attention, and because I think it's fun that my 'title' reflect what is going on in my life currently. Tricia called me 'contagious' right before we left Springfield – it's one of the most awesome compliments I have ever received in all my life. And it's been soaking into my spirit ever since. God really dealt with me this week about being contagious – telling me “If you are going to be contagious – make sure it's something worth catching.” burn. I've spent some time thinking about what I'm usually contagious with. I'm a very passionate person – in case you haven't noticed (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). I love God. I love my family – especially that hunky husband of mine. I love church. I love creating and scrapbooking and just being an artistic soul. I love music. I adore my kids – even though they push me to the brink of my sanity some times. I love ministry. I love to travel and explore and learn new things. I am passionate about all these things – but according to my testimony – what I spend my time and effort on – some things look more important to me than others.

God wants me to be passionate about Him. I've struggled for years with 'why won't God let me be a proffessional scrapbooker – since it's what I am so passionate about??'. I think I finally understand that God is a selfish god – He wants me to reserve the bulk of that passion for Him instead. I thought for the last four years or so that I would some day have a career in the scrapbook industry, but now I really don't think that's a part of His big picture for me. I think He wants all of me. Scrapbooking is a perfectly wonderful creative outlet for me – but it can't become my idol before Him. He wants (and deserves) first place in my life. I'm not going to give it up – I think God feels my joy when I create and delights in it. I just don't think it's what I'm supposed to do with my life.

All that said – I'm only one step further in the journey. I've been praying a lot lately about 'where do we go from here'? Lori thinks I'm having my mid-life crisis – I keep telling her that 27 is too young for mid-life issues – but I guess I've always been a little ahead of myself. Just having rounded that corner of getting Rob through school and settled into ministry, having our children, getting them through that tiny person stage. Eli tromps off to school (GULP) full-time here in a few weeks. Sarah thinks she's potty training. I'm very much looking around thinking – well, I've done all my goals thus far – what's next?

I think God's doing this backwards with me. I'm asking where to I put my next foot, what horizon to my eyes shift too. He's just coming back telling me where not to put my foot. He's starting to eliminate options one by one – but still not showing me what it is He DOES want for me.

So I guess most people would be frustrated. They would cry and pout and ask for more of a vision. They would whine about giving up or sacrificing their idea of God's best for some unknown future.

But that's not where I'm at. Instead, this week my prayer has been “God use me!! Take me! Fill me!!! I surrender to your will – even though I haven't the foggiest idea what it might be!”

I'm excited. I'm stirred up. I'm ready to wait for the next step, or the next closed door. I'm in this for the long haul.

Our DYD, Jeff Kossack, talked at the last service – probably for me, the most applicable sermon I heard that week. He was explaining how to come down from a mountaintop experience. He talked about caffiene and how you become addicted and need it. He explained that if you aren't addicted to caffiene you get a huge high when you consume it – only to come crashing down when it wears off. God is the same way. If you aren't addicted to Him (craving time with Him) every day when you do finally spend time with Him it is awesome, but the fall down the mountain after camp is painful and deep. He encouraged us to level it out – be addicted to God where we had to 'have a fix' of Him every day in order to keep our systems from crashing.

Made tons of sense to me. Just before Jeff preached I had been thinking about how camp had been awesome, but it didn't seem like the typical spiritual/emotional high that camp/convention/retreats usually are for me. I definitely got a lot out of it – but it just wasn't that mountaintop experience you usually have. I was wondering what was wrong with me, or if I just hadn't sought God hard enough (I felt like I really did – but almost like He witheld His spirit from me a bit – to see how hard I'd seek). Then I thought, well maybe I'm just getting old and this is what it feels like when you're old – you don't rollercoaster as much.

Turns out after hearing Jeff's sermon, I'm not old or lazy or anything. I'm getting more mature. I've been really working at my daily devotions for the past few months and so I'm leveling out. Whew!

Anyhoo, there's more. I haven't even touched on what God did in the lives of our students – who camp was really for – or how crazy it all was with four hours of sleep a night. But I'm too hot to keep typing – it's 88 degrees and we don't have any air in the car and the laptop is hot sitting on me. So I'm signing off – praying we get home because our car already overheated once. But God is good and we are back on the road. Can't wait for service tomorrow night – it is going to be awesome!!! Peace out. -a