Sep 25, 2010

The WM's Fall Retreat Poster



Janet, my senior pastor's wife, asked me if I had any ideas for a poster representing our section. I did. :)

Sep 19, 2010

Don't Be Too Impressed...

















I haven't been scrapbooking lately, I did these pages a few weeks back, I'm pretty sure before School Of Ministry. I am considering playing this afternoon though, and really thinking that it would be a good plan along with house cleaning on Tuesday... actually, some of these pages are from Iowa, and maybe even before that!

Sep 17, 2010

My Life as a Juggler.

Wow. I feel like when I finally get a chance to post on here it's only ever to pause and say how insane my life is. I wish I could say things are different.. Well, they are different, but not any saner. LOL.

I'm baking cupcakes right now. Out of a prefuse need to do something domestic with my daughter, I guess. We made the batter and carefully poured it into the tins together. Eli is cleaning toilets (we've added a commission/chore schedule to our home life). Sare's in the bath. I've got laundry sorted and whirring upstairs. For the moment it doesn't feel like anything is falling apart, but I've come to realize that it is a very delicate eco-system and one small thing could offset the balance and send the world spinning again. :) It's all good though, right?

After 9 weeks back in the work force I am only beginning to realize the implications of my working outside of the home. My piddly 16 hours a week (plus lunches and commute is more like 20) is enough to make a splash in the family finances, but also enough to drain my energies to fix dinner, do laundry and coupon cut. I struggle with a constant division between the mom I used to be (frugal, creative, driven) and the working mom (passionate about my job and the opportunities and relationships at work). I think part of the adjustment is just the nature of ministry, it's a beast that will consume any talent, time or wherewithall you may throw in it's general direction. I say that in love, as a person who is passionate about ministry, simply because ministry is a means of serving my Savior.

Insert one Bible class a month into that equation, and the seemingly desperate hope of renewing my photography business, and my, it's a mess I lead. :) But I love it. And when I'm tired and frustrated and wishing someone else would run to HEB and feed these people that is what I remind myself.

I had a little moment a few days ago, on the 12th in fact. When I realized that October 2nd is my next class final and I had finished exactly ONE chapter in my textbook. And getting that far in itself had been the result of serious effort! I had a really good conversation with my mom (who told me she was exactly my age when she went to seminary, how cool is that?) and she really encouraged me that the Holy Spirit would give me all I needed. And that He has. Last week was insane at work, every day I squeezed as much as possible into every hour of the day. This week was so slow, the phone barely rang and I was caught up on all of my work. And because I work for some of the most awesome people on the planet, I've been given permission to work on my class when it's slow. So after my prayer with mom on Monday, I am half way through chapter 13 in my textbook, one and a half chapters to go. Praise God! I'm hoping to finish it up today or tomorrow, and then, oh my goodness, take a week's mental break between classes! That's huge, because last time my classes overlapped by a week and that was super over-whelming! Too much material to keep active in my brain, for sure!

One of my major bummers this week was that my new-to-me convertible started experience insane electrical issues. Pretty much a bunch of yesterday was consumed with trying to find someone who could diagnose it. I still don't have an exact diagnosis, but they are thinking it's one of the major computers in the car. To the tune of $500-800. waah. You know me and my frugality, that just bums me out beyond belief.

Oh well, such is life. And overall, things are good. Going to try to get a good night's rest again tonight, it really helps keep stuff in perspective. See you soonie!

Sep 9, 2010

What Are You Feeding?

(last night's sermon, birthed from my Synoptic Gospels course)

Tonight we are exploring two characters in the Bible:

Judas. Some referred to him as a zealot. He started out passionate about Jesus. He began to follow Jesus with good intentions. He followed Jesus faithfully for a season. But somewhere along the route, he began to be discouraged and discontented. Jesus no longer fulfilled his expectations. He became disgruntled and sought to change that by betraying Jesus to the religious leaders of their time. Judas tried to force Jesus’ hand at being the political leader that he had anticipated. Perhaps he thought Jesus would resist arrest and start a war. Instead, Judas’ betrayal led to Jesus crucifixion. Judas wound up having a very limited understanding of who and what Jesus was. Judas is remembered as a traitor who ultimately committed suicide because he could not live with the cost of his betrayal.
Peter. He too, was zealous for Jesus. A little hot headed. He was a devout follower of Jesus, even to the point that he wanted to sit at Jesus right hand in heaven. But, Peter failed fantastically at the cross. He denied Jesus three times, but is that what he’s most known for? No, Peter didn’t give up on Jesus after his great failure. Instead, he took his discouragement and used it as fuel to live a more passionate and righteous life for Christ. Even unto death.

See, we all have a battle in our mind. We are feeding something. Either we are like Judas; being discontent with what God is doing in our life. We get upset, or dwell on the negative. We compare our lives and circumstances to those around us and play the “if only” game. (if only I had more money, or was better looking, or if I was more talented, if I was more popular) and we are consumed with thinking negative and destructive, selfish thoughts.

The thing about negative thoughts is that they grow as they are fed. In the beginning, like Judas, it starts with a small thought, a small sin. It may be only be an ungratefulness or a bad attitude. But we feed it and it grows and gains strength and stature. In Judas life it was the sin of discontentment, and perhaps feeling that he could do it better, well, it grew in his heart until eventually there was room for Satan himself. This is why it’s so crucial to not allow even a little sin to fester in your heart.

(Remember the illustration of a little toilet water – it poisons everything).

Little sins never stay little. That’s not Satan’s plan. The thing about Satan is that he hasn’t changed his tactics. So if it worked for Judas, he’ll likely try it on you. And, because humanity is the same now as it was then, it will likely work on you. Satan will whisper discontentedness into your spirit, and if you listen to it, it will grow.

So let’s think about Peter. He failed massively. Like epic, world class, crash and burn failed. He denied Jesus during his trial, during this terrible persecution. The gospels of Matthew and Mark tell us that when Judas came to betray Jesus and the high priests began to take Jesus away, the disciples scattered. Isn’t that weird? All these people who were passionately following Christ (just after last supper, up all night with Him in the garden, and claiming absolute loyalty to Him), well the moment the going gets rough and it looks like they may get in trouble for being with Him, they scatter. They run off and hide and leave Jesus to deal with it alone. Not Peter, instead he falls back and quietly follows them.

Isn’t following at a distance the same thing as abandoning?

So Peter is hanging around in the courtyard of the temple where Jesus is being persecuted and questioned. He is recognized as being a part of Jesus’ group. Three times. He denies knowing Jesus adamantly. Three times. The rooster crows and instantly, Peter recalls Jesus’ words. “Assuredly, I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” (Matthew 26:34). I can’t imagine the pain that hit Peter’s heart at that moment. When you are suddenly made aware of the depth and brevity of your sin, it takes your breath away. In fact, Mark 14:72 says “And when he thought about it, he wept.” Peter, brazen, zealous, bold Peter, broke down and wept. And it was significant enough to be included in the scriptures.

When I read this story of Peter, my heart aches for him. Just as my heart aches when I realize my own sin. I know that feeling, realizing how very wrong you are, how prideful and shameful you truly are at the core of your being. And in that moment, we have a powerful choice. We can choose to bury that feeling, to pretend it didn’t happen and it doesn’t hurt. We can choose to decide that it’s too painful and difficult to follow Jesus, to decide that you will never be good enough anyway, so why bother. To decide that the cost of being a disciple is too great, to throw in the towel and live for yourself.

The irony is that self-living is really Satan serving.

Actually, I think that is Satan’s master plan all along, convincing us that we are living for ourselves, only to realize too little too late that we are actually serving him. Feeding the beast of self, well, it’s all-consuming and it will ultimately destroy your life. Because of free will, you can choose “to have the fleeting enjoyment of a sinful life” Hebrews 11:25, but it is crucial to remember “the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23 That verse is true, whether you believe in Jesus or not. Heaven and hell are real, even if you don’t believe in them or care that they exist.

Remember I said you have a choice at the moment you are aware of your sin?

There is a second, higher road. You can choose Jesus. You can choose to turn from your sin and remember the price that Jesus paid for you on the cross. You can repent, literally turn from your sin, and receive the grace that Jesus offers. Jesus’ blood that He poured out for you on the cross, it covers your sin and you are given another chance. You must remember that the blood of Jesus came at a high cost. That is why it is important to not live in a ‘I can do whatever I want because I’m covered by grace’ attitude. It makes a mockery of what Jesus did and suddenly His great sacrifice becomes trivial. We need to remember that Jesus paved a way for us, where there was no way “and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” Colossians 1:20.

Instead we need to have a holy awe and understanding of what Jesus did when He died for us. We need to remember the cost of His sacrifice. We need to live out our lives in response to that gift. We need to turn from our sin and pursue holy and righteous lives as an act of worship and thanksgiving for God’s incredible love for us.

See, at the point that Peter was confronted with his sin, he made that choice. He rose from his great and terrible sin, repented, and recommitted his life to Jesus. He went on to do amazing things for Jesus.

His sin was not the end of his story, unlike Judas. I’m sure you can all tell me what happened to Judas. (there’s a reason people don’t name their kids Judas) And I can tell you for sure that his self-serving did not get him to a place of fulfillment and peace. Ultimately, in his pursuit of his will, he lost everything.

Peter, on the other hand, gave up everything as a willing sacrifice to Jesus, and ultimately gained everything.

Peter went on to witness Jesus’ crucifixion, and ultimately his appearances after resurrection. In fact, at one point he even gets the opportunity to affirm his love for Jesus three times and as a response Jesus reconfirms Peter’s position as faithful disciple. Peter goes on to witness Pentecost and preach his first sermon. He later went on a missionary journey and was instrumental in preaching the gospel to the Gentiles, or non-Jews. See, even after Peter sinned, God still had an amazing purpose for his life.

So other than the choice after sin, what else made these two men different? Judas fed his discontentment, fed his sin, and like I said, it grew out of proportion and consumed his life and eventually his very soul. Peter, grew his faith. He acted out in bits of faith, and chose faith daily. And faith, when fed, will grow astronomically and before you know it, you’ll find yourself doing huge, impossible things for God. Matthew 19:26 tells us "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

So how do you feed your faith? Let’s back up. How do you feed your sin and discontentment? By dwelling on it, by giving yourself over to it. I hate to say it, but it’s so easy to be consumed by sin. When you first sin, you recall it, you turn it over in your mind, you give yourself over to it. As the sin grows in your life, it becomes more consuming, you find yourself counting down until the next opportunity to partake in it again. (think Edmund and the Turkish Delight in Chronicles of Narnia)

So let’s turn the table and think about growing faith.. How do you grow faith? Start dwelling on it, recall it. Bring it to the forefront of your mind often. Read and memorize verses that grow your faith. “Meditate on these things; Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Phillipians 4:8

Plant truths in your heart and choose to think on those things. Pray and ask God to grow your faith, and then evaluate your reaction when He brings about an opportunity to walk in faith.”

Rob and I have done some huge things out of faith in God. Believe me, faith is how this Iowan corn-fed girl lives in Texas right now.  We’ve sold houses in faith, packed our belongings in faith, written checks in faith, moved across the country in faith. We’ve believed for family members in faith. We’ve reached teenagers in faith. We’ve named babies in faith.

Almost every time I tell our faith story, someone inevitably tells me “oh, I could never do that, sell all my belongings and move across the country,” or “how could you let a bunch of teenagers name your baby?”

And I have to agree with them, I could never, in flesh, on my own, do any of those things either. But I can do those things through Jesus, because He has grown my faith over the years. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:16 I did not start out life with this mountain-moving faith.

But I did start out with a little bit of faith. And a deep desire to grow it. So I asked God, in faith, I sought out faith-building verses, and I prayed for opportunities to grow my faith. I surrounded myself with people of faith. And guess what? I have faith now. Because I fed it. Daily.

Matthew 17:20 tells us "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." That scripture has played out in my life over and over.

The thing about things that need fed--they are living things. And when they are no longer fed, they die.

Faith is a living thing. Judas starved his faith because he fed his sin. The biggest, most on-fire Christian will choke and wither up when they stop feeding their faith or when they allow sin to fester in their lives.

To me, there is nothing sadder than a formally ripping-it-up Christian who is now living for themselves, totally resistant to God’s Word.
Faith is a continual process. Kind of like a houseplant. Faith needs to be fed to continue to grow. And as much as it dies when you stop feeding it, it flourishes it when you give it the nutrients it needs.

It is my continual prayer for you that church won’t just be something that you did in jr high or high school. Rob and I will fail you guys if you graduate high school and you graduate Jesus. Really, you will fail yourselves. And ultimately, your story won’t be much different from Judas, unless you are sold out for Jesus.

So how to go from being a comfy Christian to being a radical, faith-charged Christian?

You have to choose what you are feeding. I want you all to take a moment and think about what you are consuming mentally. What is your thought life like? Are you feeding sin? Or are you feeding faith? For some of us, it’s time to go on a diet. A diet doesn’t mean total deprivation. Not a fast, but a diet. A thoughtful choice about what you are taking in.

Some of you have listened to this message and are like, I don’t even know what you are talking about. But maybe part of it rang true. The part about sin, where you know that it’s wrong and you choose to partake in it anyway. The part where I said there’s a heaven and a hell and it doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not. You have an opportunity to believe tonight, to take part in Jesus’ grace. To realize the depth of his sacrifice for you. To understand that you and I and everyone in this room is lost and dying and going to hell, an eternity of suffering, without the grace of Jesus. All you have to do to change your destiny is to believe in Him acknowledge your sin and ask Him into your heart, Lord over your life. And then choose to grow your faith.

Sep 4, 2010

School Of Ministry

Gosh, I wish I had a photo for today's adventures! :) My stories will just have to do. I worked yesterday in the office until 4pm. It was a great office day, very slow, but then I had a lot of time to work on my Synoptic Gospels course. Which, I am on the very last lesson of the last unit. Almost. there. not. much. longer. Kills me, cause I was trying to finish that before I started the next one, which is A/G history and government. Seems to be a much easier course, not so obtuse. Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus and thoroughly have enjoyed and appreciated the deep study into the gospels, it's just so very much to wrap your brain around, with all the parables and deeper meanings/truths. Trying to memorize and apply it to your life simultaneously, well, brain mush happens fast. It feels like I've been slow to absorb the information, but I'm trying to sew it into the fabric of my life, not just grasp enough to pass the test.

Anyhoots, ironically I would have finished the first course yesterday if I hadn't had a total lightbulb moment and paused to 'jot down a few thoughts' on a potential sermon cropping up in my head. An hour and a half later I had a really exciting sermon written, but had lost an hour and a half on my classwork. oops. So I'm not quite there. But super close. :) And I'm aware that close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, but I'm still counting it as a win.

So I left yesterday afternoon and made the trip in a record 3 and a half hours. Got to see Jen, get a hair cut and some touch ups on my highlights. We stayed up way too late talking with Bart. It was great. And playing with her iPad, which I want soooo bad that it's not even right! I can totally see where it would be life-impacting. Especially with these classes.

Finally went to bed last night a little after midnight, and totally couldn't sleep. I was so excited for my class. I'm a school nerd, I love the classroom, the interaction, the exchange of knowledge and curiousity. I was not disappointed. My class today was challenging, insanely fast paced, and exciting. I can't wait to break into the book and really absorb the information. I am an eager student, for sure! Trying to decide if I'll force myself to finish my first class before I delve into this second one?? I really should..

Had a remarkably uneventful journey home. Enjoyed beginning to relisten to Crazy Love, which is an amazing and uncomfortable book by Francis Chan. I originally listened to it on my big MN trip last month. I need to get Rob to listen to it, cause I can't wait to discuss it with him. Spent a bit of time with Dave Ramsey on podcast, too. I love technology, obviously.

Best part of the day was coming home and debriefing my entire class with Rob. It's so cool because he's genuinely interested in the course we discussed, the interactions and conversations I had. It was really fun. I am so grateful for his support, both emotionally and with the kids.

Anyway, I'm exhausted and happy and just too excited about persuing the call that God set in my heart back in June. Right now, if I can keep the pace, I'm on track for preaching certificate in either April or May. I'll take the summer off and be set for begin license courses in August, finishing them up in March. The long term plan is ordination at 35. And if I focus and stay on track, that is not an impossible goal at all. Very exciting stuff.