(last week's shiftVARSITY sermon)
So how many of you have heard of Delilah? Not exactly a name you want to give your kid, right? It’s right up there with Lucifer or Jezebel or Judas.
Can anybody tell me what Delilah is famous for? She robbed Samson of his strength. So how in the world did a big guy like Samson get hooked up with a lying, cheating mess like Delilah? Let’s take a closer look at his story.
Judges 14:1-3 Samson went looking for a Philistine wife. This was a problem, because God had told the Israelites not to marry unbelievers, so he had no business even looking at a Philistine. (God tells us not marry unbelievers as well, so you shouldn’t even date one) He found a doozy in Delilah. Delilah turned out to be a whining, conniving, manipulative and self-serving wife, who eventually cost Samson his strength, his freedom, and even his very life. Samson should have seen this coming when she sold him out on their honeymoon. He had made a wager with the Philistines (Delilah’s people) and Delilah bellyached and moaned until he shared the answer to the riddle with her. She shared the riddle and in turn he lost the bet. This loss fueled a lifelong quest of revenge on the Philistines. But, instead Samson continued to pile bad choice on top of bad choice when it came to Delilah. Funny how that works, isn’t it??
Here’s a little song to summarize it for you.
So that is one example of a relationship gone wrong. But the Bible has another great example of a godly relationship for us to look at.
Everyone remember David, the shepherd with the smooth stones who took out Goliath? Well, after that story, David goes to work for King Saul. King Saul has a son whose name was Jonathon. Jonathan and David became very best of friends. So much so in fact that 1 Samuel 18 tells us “After David had finished taking with Saul, Jonathon became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.”
See, God knew that David was going to need a friend. Because God weighs our hearts and judges our motives, God already knew that King Saul was beginning to have some jealousy issues with this new giant slaying star in Israel. In fact, in the very next chapter, King Saul tries to kill David. But Jonathon had David’s back, and let David know about his father’s evil plans. Jonathon even took it upon himself to speak kindly of David to his father, but his father was crazy with jealousy and went on hating David the rest of his days. Jonathon swore to aid David as he ducked multiple threats on his life from Jonathon’s father. They were best of friends, and their relationship built each other up, supported one another, and grew them as people.
Friendships are born out of need or love.
A friendship born out of need is usually self-serving. You have a desire, and the person, for a season at least, fulfills that desire. Maybe it’s to be a part of the cool group, or to not sit alone at lunch or maybe it’s just to blend into the background and not to draw attention to yourself. The problem with with need-based friendships is that you are basing the choice to be friends with that person on what you can get out of them.
A friendship born out of love is an animal of a different sort. Love-based friendships are life-giving. You see that person, and you recognize that they are a unique creation of God, they have special characteristics and personality. You desire to nurture and protect them. You enjoy spending time with them, because you both build each other up. It’s not about fulfilling your need as much as it is about enjoying who they are, and celebrating who you are when you are with them.
I’ve definitely had both kinds of friendships. In junior high, most of my friends were need based. See, I was a nerd, with a capital N. I wore glasses since the 2nd grade! And when I hit jr high I realized that the people around me could dictate quite a bit. So I found some friends that had a better life than I did. My one friend, in particular, we'll call him Bob Jones. He had a Super Nintendo, which was a really big deal back then. He was the youngest of two, and his family had significantly more money than we did, being pastors. He made me feel included, funny, and part of a group. I also got in more trouble with him than any other friend up to that point. You see, I was using that friendship to prop myself up. I didn’t genuinely care about Bob Jones as a person, I was enjoying the privileges of being his friend.
Fast forward to college, I met my friend, Lori Camiolo. We were in sociology class together. The night I got to know her it was because we were sharing a dorm room at retreat and she was going through a bad breakup. She needed someone to talk to, she was hurting. And I just listened. Encouraged. Turns out we had a lot in common. She’s smart, funny, and a little nerdy like me. I met her through youth group. And over the years, God has shown me so many cool things about her. We have cried together, prayed together, hoped together. I still talk to her every day. She holds me up. I hold her up. I’m invested in her as a person, I genuinely love her! She challenges me, and I do the same for her. In fact, she is so loyal. I bet I could call her up right now and she’d just be thrilled to talk to me.
[at this point in the message I picked up my phone and called Lori, we just checked in with each other. it was pretty cool]
If you remember back to our definition of love, it is a deep desire to nurture (grow) and protect someone. I definitely have that with Lori. And honestly, most all of my friendships are that way now because I have finally learned to stop weighing people by what they can offer me, but to start looking at people as the unique creations of God that they are. Remember how you are a masterpiece? Well, the person sitting next to you is too! And the person next to them. In fact, every person in this room!! When you start looking at all the people around you as God’s masterpieces, and considering His heart for them, soon all of your relationships will be born of love. You’ll stop using people to step up, and start offering your hand to others.
My guess is that most of you aren’t to that point yet. You are likely still choosing friends on a need basis. I’m not trying to insult you, that’s how I chose my friendships at your age too. But the big problem with that is when you choose a friend based on a need, you are likely to make the choice hastily and foolishly. Like Samson.
Samson chose Delilah because he wanted to get some. I know that’s vulgar, but read the scripture, he looked, he like her, he went against the advice of his folks and married her anyway. And he produced a miserable life from there on out.
Building a relationship based off of a need will likely result in a crash and burn. Sadly, the more invested in that need-based relationship you are, the bigger the burn will be. Say, if you start hanging out with the wrong crowd because you are desperate to be a part of any crowd that will accept you, you are likely going to be caught sooner than later doing wrong things. You guys know what I’m talking about.
Maybe you are already hanging out with the wrong crowd. You know what I’m talking about. If the kids you are hanging out with are pressuring you to make choices you wouldn’t normally make, or choices that you know break God’s heart.. well those are friends you need to ditch while you get your life together. You figure out who you are in Jesus, and what He says about you, and about them, and when you are stronger, (ready to stand up for what God says is right) then you can go back and begin a love-based relationship with that person. Love based meaning that you see them as a hurting child of God in desperate need of the saving knowledge of Jesus. But if you don’t have that story straight in your own life right now, you aren’t ready to pull that person up cause you are barely swimming on your own. I’m not a very strong swimmer, I couldn’t save someone from drowning if it was more than about 5 feet deep.
What you need is some love-based friendships with people who know Jesus. Love based relationships add value to your life. These folks will be the ones who see you for who you really are. They are willing to invest in you, and you will do the same for them. You’ll begin to see relationships as something of eternal value, because they are truly the only earthly treasure you get to keep on the other side. These kind of relationships will last a lifetime, bring you hope and encouragement every time you even think of them.
So now is your decision point. Do you have some need-based relationships that need to go? It may not be the wrong crowd at school. It may just be one boy or one girl who is encouraging you to compromise your values, God’s values. It might be an older sibling who keeps getting you into trouble. Decide today that you are going to stop basing your relationships off of selfish desires.
Maybe you are lacking a love-based relationship, where you genuinely see the other person for who God sees them as. Love-based relationships are fewer and farther between (at least in the beginning) and may be harder to find. But we serve a big, awesome God who gives good gifts. And He’s given you an awesome one by bringing you to shift. We’ve got a lot of students here who love God and want to see you as the person God created you to be. Students, and leaders, who will link arms with you and encourage you towards growth. These are people who will hold you accountable and ask the tough questions. But you need to be willing to do the same.
How do you start building those love-based relationships? Coming to shift is the best place to start. Come early, hang out in the snack shack. Open up, talk to us. Come to shiftAM, we are changing the format a bit and I know you’ll make some great friends in there. Join a ministry team. That’s one of the best ways to get to know other people for who they really are. Pray about it, ask God to bring you new relationships with people who will help build you up in the faith. No one needs a Delilah, but everyone needs a Jonathon, and everyone can be a Jonathon. In fact, Acts sets up an awesome example of what happens here at shift each week. The word tells us in Acts 2:42 that “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” That is what we are all about here at shift; teaching, fellowship, communion, and prayer.
So tonight’s altar is simple. The first question is, do you need to give up some friends? Do you have some of those need-based relationships and they are holding you back?
The second question is are you conscientiously building love-based relationships? Are you being someone’s Jonathon? Maybe you are just lonely right now. I understand that, I”ve been there at different seasons. Stop focusing on your loneliness. Instead, look for someone to build up, to invest in. Start seeing the people around you the way God sees them.
No comments:
Post a Comment