No Offense

Last week we talked about God’s love. This week we are talking about our love of others. The more I thought about this subject the more I realized our largest stumbling block in loving others. Offense.

Have you ever been offended? I mean really offended?

When I was seven I got a brand new red scooter. Red was my favorite color and I had never had a new bike before in my life. Scooters were a huge trend (like heelies or iPhones) and I was completely stunned that my parents had shucked over the cash. My older brother got a grey one. But for whatever reason, the first day we had them, he took mine and went off-roading. Within 8 hours he had completely trashed it. The white rubber tires were grey and white tassles hanging from the handlebars were tattered. I cried and cried and cried.Ten years later while I was dating Pastor Rob I told him that story. It’s really hard to forget a big offense, isn’t it?

My daughter loves to say “no offense, but ….That hairstyle makes you look old.” “no offense, but Pastor Aaron knows more about the Bible than you.” “no offense, but I don’t like the way their house smells.”

Basically any time you hear Sarah utter the words “no offense” you just better brace yourself because offense is about to happen.

Offense is a problem in our relationships, isn’t it? I mean, everyone raised their hands when I asked if they’d ever been offended. We can all relate to that. Unfortunately, we all tend to hang on to that.

Just this week I’ve heard several adults (like vintage adults) talk about hurtful things that had been spoken to them as children. More than likely the offender doesn’t even remember what they said, but these adults are still carrying the weight of those words decades later.

Offense poisons our relationships. It seeps deep into our heart and destroys the way we think about a person, and eventually all people. Offense seriously interferes with our ability to love people.

Take a moment and think about the people that have hurt you or offended you. What is your relationship with them like now? If you’ve held that hurt in your heart, you likely can’t stand that person, you may even duck behind a locker when you see them. Either that or you have learned the bigger blessing of forgiveness – you barely even remember the offense and have chosen to move on in relationship with that person.

There are two sides to offense. Tonight we want to learn to handle both sides. Our scripture for this evening is found in Ephesians 2:29-32.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

First off we’ve touched on, to forgive the offense.  Verse 32 commands us to forgive each other. My dear friend said to me this weekend that ‘offense is of the devil’ – meaning that Satan wants you to wallow in offense. To allow offense to stick to you like a piece of gum on carpet – where it messes you up!

Forgiveness is unnatural and often times painful. We want to hang on to the hurtful word and turn it over and over in our mind until it’s so familiar it’s a part of us.

But Jesus taught by example to forgive. Remember when He was on the cross and the soldiers were gambling for his things? His words were “Forgive them Father, they do not know what they do.” Imagine that moment, you are dying and the very people that strung you up there are playing games for your clothes and mocking you. And yet Jesus forgave them. Just like He forgave us for all of our sins against Him. Surely no one can hurt us the way we’ve hurt Jesus, and yet He forgives.

We need to embrace His teaching and pass on the forgiveness that we have received. You might think, but they don’t deserve to be forgiven! But we didn’t deserve it either. You aren’t all that. I’m not all that! Romans 3:23 - All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Remember that we are all sinners. Don’t think you are all that. Instead of focusing on the offenders shortcomings, remember yours. We had a pastor growing up that would always say that most of our issues were within our own hearts and we could easily spend the rest of our lives just working those things through. The older I get the more true I know this to be! Your heart is a mess and you have no business telling anyone else how to get it right.

Besides, hanging on to the unforgiveness hurts us far more than the original offense. You might need to start thinking now about people in your life that you need to forgive. It may be an older sibling who bullied you, a classmate that betrayed you, a parent that has failed you.

Ask God to help you let go of the offense. And every time it rears it’s ugly head, ask again. Until you have forgotten it completely.

The other side of offense is the offender – meaning the person who is offensive, the person who hurts.

I hate being an offender. It literally makes me sick to my stomach when I know I’ve hurt someone, but that’s just my personality quirk. There are lots of people in this world who will say or do what they want to and not care who it upsets.

The thing is, we all offend, with or without intention. I have a big mouth, so this has gotten me in trouble a lot over the years. I have a couple practical ways for you to learn to stop offending people.

Don’t say stupid stuff. Look at our scripture again. Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Use your words wisely, to build others up.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another.

Be kind. Cut out the nastyness in your heart that is not godly. Stop being vicious and angry. Allow the love of God to seep all the way down into your soul and affect the kind of person you are even on the inside.

Be loyal to the absent. Meaning, if someone isn’t there, don’t talk about them. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it at all! This is harder than it sounds and you may need to really ask God to help you in this area.

Look for the best in others. You are going to find what you watch for. Like a red pair of Toms. You don’t see anyone with them until you bring home your pair; suddenly everyone has red Toms. Look for the good in other people to a point that it blinds you to the not-so-good.

Pray for the people that rub you the wrong way. Not like “God, give them what they deserve” kind of prayers, but pray for them the way you pray for yourself. This will change your heart towards them and maybe even change them too!

Letting go of offense and refusing to offend pleases God. Our lives can be like Christ’s who was ‘a fragrant offering’ to God. My prayer tonight is that you will let go of offense and choose not to offend others.

Altar: [Band-aids - Ephesians 4:29-32]

What offense do you need to let go of tonight?

Who have you offended and what needs to change that relationship?