But I'm thinking it's time for my big year wrap-up post. I've spent the last couple days mentally wrapping up 2010 and preparing to unpack 2011. I guess I'm a sentimental person, I treasure memories (and photos, obviously) and I like to mentally go back over things. 2010 had it's ups and downs, but overall it's been one of the best years of my life. Even typing that kind of surprises me, for a lot of reasons, but being 31 is right up there at the top of that list. :)
But really, we had some major challenges this year. We had walk through the Hayes retirement. Oh, that was a hard season. We love the Hayes and so enjoyed our season working with them. We bore the burden of knowing that for months before it happened, and I am grateful for that knowledge, we had a full season to pray and mull it over and seek God's will for our lives. We had every intention of staying at Trinity until God very clearly showed us He had other plans. So then there was that difficult season, having to announce and carry through actually leaving a place where our hearts were sown so deep. We loved our 3 years at Trinity and will always look back with fond memories and a deep appreciation for the people. I cried so hard over that decision. Our last Sunday was one of my most difficult Sundays thus far as a pastor's wife. And if those two difficult seasons weren't hard enough, the toughest one was around the corner. Rob and I living in seperate cities for 7 weeks. That was about enough to push me over the edge. Although, looking back, I can see where I wasn't exactly 'emotionally fit' for that transition because of the stress leading up to it.
But God is God. And He had me exactly where He wanted me. I was so desperate in that hour of need. I felt like my marriage was falling apart, being outside of ministry, my purpose was muddy, not having a church family to lean in to, or an immediate family to cry to... All of those things led to the perfect storm of dependence on God. In my darkest hours I cried to Him, and after fourteen years of seeking, He filled me with His Holy Spirit in a moment. My life has been set on fire ever since.
[Just to back step a moment, I felt like my marriage was falling apart, it wasn't. The thing about feelings is that they often lie to you, and satan will use this to his advantage. God's promises hadn't changed. Rob hadn't stopped loving me. I just felt like I was purposeless, useless. I know better.]
I'd like to tell you that everything was hunky dory from that moment of infilling. It wasn't. But the difference was that I now had the power to handle it. There is a definite difference in a spirit-filled life, I know because I spent the first 30 years of my life without it.
So we sold our house this year. That was another difficult transition, moving into a small condo while we got our feet wet here in San Antonio. But event that was miraculous in such a terrible housing market. In fact, being asked to come to ct|church was an incredible experience in itself. We had never been persued to the extent that we were here. We have been so accepted and loved and allowed to really jump right into an incredible youth ministry here. What a blessing!!
This summer we went to camp with our new students (less new to Rob than I after our 7 week commute) and of course it's camp and it's awesome... but then on Thursday night God revealed to me the next step in His plan for my life, and it scared the daylights out of me! So much so that it really took me 24 hours to process it before I spoke to Rob about it. The call into ministry was so strong, and has only become stronger with the passing of time. So we got home from camp and I registered with Global University for Berean courses. These courses have been challenging, enraging, encouraging, overwhelming, and edifying. As much as I've wanted to throw a book across the room, I have loved the challenge and accomplishment of it.
This summer with my grandma passing, it was again a reminder of the frailty of life, and the importance of each soul. It presses me to reach the people within my grasp for Jesus, to let my light shine strong and consider every soul worth my effort. Compelled by His love, her passing prepared my heart (like a meat tenderizing hammer to a steak) to receive the lessons in my Evangelism in the Local Church coursework. And her legacy of leaving her convertible to me was another tangible reminder of God's grace, even in our consitent unworthiness.
The trip to Minnesota was bittersweet. Actually, I don't think I have ever cried so much as I have this past year. But I notice as I become more sensitive to the Holy Spirit, I experience emotion much deeper than before.. I spent so much time talking to God about the loss of my grandmother. And the roadtrip home, all 1500 miles, well, it was an exercise in healing. I was so incredibly blessed by time with my mom, and then time with Lori, and then time with my Aunt as I worked my way emotionally and spiritually back to Texas, back to home. I was surprised at the sigh of relief when I crossed the state line, and I realized more solidly than ever before, that my home is where Rob is, and even beyond that, where ever God has called me to serve Him.
Returning to working outside the home this year has been an adjustment, but I've loved it. I love my job, I love serving pastors. Today someone in the office was joking with Pastor Doug and said that he could see why Pastor kept me around, because I respect his authority. And it's true, I love serving our pastoral staff. I acknowledge the call on their life and the sacrifice they've all made to serve God full-time. I love being in the office, answering the phone, praying for needs, participating in brainstorming and planning, and being at Rob's disposal. I feel like we are more the team now in ministry than we have ever been before.
And of course, photography has been a journey this year. I mourned over leaving Baytown for many reasons, but high on my list was leaving my clients. I had cultivated many relationships in two years of professional photography, and it was disheartening to start over. And it was a slow start here in San Antonio. But slowly, God is restoring my business, only at a pace that I can handle with all my other responsibilities. And I am grateful that I still have opportunities to shoot. I was so thrilled and humbled by the purchase of my dream camera body at the end of this year. It felt like quite an accomplishment, especially to have gotten there financially in a way that honored God.
We've grown a lot in the area of financial responsiblity this year, too. And that has been a slow and steady journey for us. I feel like we've reached the tipping point, not out of debt yet, but at least having a definite plan and living well within our means.
So I think you can see where it's been a good year. A year of stretching and growing and learning, which is uncomfortable but for our best interests. A year of big ups and downs, but mostly a year where I can consistently see the hand of God on our life. I'm sad to see it finish, but I'm excited for 2011. I'm probably most excited to finish the first level of credentialing, but pretty thrilled about where ATP is going as well. God is good and I trust Him. In 2011 I plan to put Him first and do the right things consistently. I don't think we can fail with a plan like that.
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