So I couldn't sleep. Like, at all. Was still wide away at 3:30am. I was praying, talking to God, not worried, just restless. After looking at the clock though, that freaked me out a bit. I hate that last few hours before dawn. I felt myself starting to get scared, and I just began to talk with God about it more. I felt like He just plopped a thought in my head, that so applies to our life right now.
"Lord, I give You my strength, and I give You my heart. I exchange them for Yours. Make me more like You."
Just thinking about the house selling, and all the insanity we are walking through right now, I felt God's peace just wash over me. I don't need to do this in my strength, because He's ready and willing to loan me His. awesome. I still didn't fall asleep until about 5am (for that whole hour before Eli wakes up) but I had a good time just talking to Him. And I woke up refreshed and energized for the day, excited to love on my kids this morning. We had an awesome morning, probably the best we've had in 2 weeks.
Then in my quiet time this morning, I'm reading in Exodus. The Israelites have just left Egypt and slavery (which is not at all how I feel about Trinity, Trinity was a season of incredible blessing for us, just for the record) and started out on this journey into the desert.
"And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light. He did not take away the pllar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people." Exodus 13:22-23
Wow, that is so cool. Though they were in their desert experience, a time of testing and trial, God was leading them every step of the way. Following the cloud, they could not see before them, and at night their immediate lives were lit up by the provision of God. They were living in utter faith, and God showed them exactly as much as they needed to know for that day and that night.
Being familiar with the rest of their desert experience, we know that God goes on to provide them with manna, and later quail. And that because of their disobedience, they wound up wandering around the desert for 40 years! (I think I read somewhere that the journey should have only taken 6 months or something)
So, what do I learn from that? Rob and I are in a desert situation. (my friends Lori and Jay seem to be too) And so, we can trust from the story, that God is showing us just what we need to know for each day, and each night. (brilliantly illustrated by my total lack of sleep last night) And we can also trust that God will provide us every bit of sustainance needed along the journey. (the manna and the quail) And finally, if we balk and grump and sin along the way, the desert experience is going to be far more drawn out than it needs to be.
So my prayer is that I will learn to rely on God's strength, trading my ability for His perfect ability and that I will be obedient and right hearted through this experience. Again, it all comes back to trust. My nine year old quoted to me this morning;
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, and in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:4-6
Good stuff from a wise little boy.
It's going to be a beautiful day, don't you think??
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