"well, friends, today God answered a prayer I've been praying for 14 years! What a mighty God we serve! Don't hesitate to ask and keep asking!"
and learned that you can't put a post like that on FB and not get a whole lot of questions. I guess we all want to know the rest of the story, don't we? It's human nature, I guess.
At first I was reluctant, because it's a private matter that I've been less-than-thrilled to discuss with most everyone for years. A few people in my circle of trust knew, but they were all people that I felt were safe, who knew me well enough to feel that they wouldn't hold it against me. The truth is, I was holding it against myself.
So after my 7 comments of "what is it? tell us what God did!" Rob and I discussed it. He encouraged me to share my story with my friends on FB. Why not? Surely that is part of the point of God bringing me through it.
I grew up Catholic and Methodist. At 16 I got really serious about my relationship with God and totally committed my heart to Him. At 17 I started attending Morningside Assembly of God and fell even more in love with Him. I saw how everyone else was worshipping Him, having this deep intimate relationship, especially through speaking in tongues. I first prayed to receive the Holy Spirit back in February 1997, with evidence of tongues. It didn't happen then. I continued to seek Him. Ever since then, I've been praying for this deeper, fuller relationship with the Lord. I've felt like a fraud this whole time, being married to an AG minister and lacking this free gift. I have been at the altar so many times begging God to reveal Himself to me, and always coming back without, feeling inadequate. All this time though, I believed in it. Needless to say, God had to weed through a bit of baggage on my part. :) But today, after speaking with a long-time friend, I just holed myself up in my room, turned on the worship music, and gave myself to God. It took about 3 songs. And then, it was happening. And I didn't stop for 2 hours! (I guess I had a bit pent up over 14 years!) Anyway, it was more amazing than anything I had ever imagined. I feel free and more attune to God. I feel like He can use me more readily than ever before. The only reason I'm sharing all this is to encourage any Christian that hasn't received their free gift of the Holy Spirit. Don't give up. He's faithful, and He's promised it. For me, the big issue was thinking God was just going to grab my tongue and start. My friend helped me understand that I had to speak first, and that it really would sound like nonsense. But I had to fight that feeling and then the Holy Spirit would kick in and do the rest. I had to stop being afraid of feeling stupid or foolish. As soon as I let go of that fear, it happened. Feeling very blessed today. I can totally see why God has Rob and I in the wierd situation we are in. I feel grateful that He loves me that much!
I'm also insanely excited about the future. I'm delving into that bag of 'things I put off because I didn't think I could manage without the power of the Holy Spirit' and it seems to be a bigger bag than I realized! One of my major hold backs has been on continuing my education with Bible College. I've known for about 8 years that I'd like to get my Bible degree and eventually hold papers with the AG, as a compliment to Rob, but also, I really enjoy preaching! I had put it off thinking, sure I could graduate, but never be a minister without receiving the Holy Spirit. Anyway, I'm just excited about the possibilities. And excited to start really using this new gift! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment