I'm leaping into the 21st century with both feet. Having my own blog and all. I laugh because I'm sure no one will read it. But it's there. And I'm sure it's good for me to get all these crazy thoughts out of my head and on to paper. (electronic paper - I can hear Rob laughing)
It's been a super hard weird day. Not unusual for time in my life. We've just been through so much lately. I really feel like we are being tested with Rob being so close to being done with school. It's just so much harder than I anticipated. Four months. That gets me through the days. Sometimes the moments even.
I'm so unknowing about our future. I'm excited about the possibilities... launching into full-time ministry. Finally realizing our calling. Being the pastor's wife. (even the title seems unreal) I've earned the position, not married in by any means. Spent time in the trenches, putting Hubby through. I'm scared about our future too. Petrified really. A whole new state, town, life, friends. Everything starting over except for our family. I worry about money, jobs, housing, every aspect. Why can't I just give all this stuff to God?
I get frustrated with our life now. Our tiny house. Our lack of independence after almost eight years of marriage. I hate that we still rely on parents for help and grace. I love who we are though. All the outside stuff stinks (the temporal, the reality that people see) but the inside stuff (the important stuff) is fantastic. I'm totally in love with my husband. He thrills me. We are best friends. We share secrets and inside jokes. We are a team, battling the world, watching each other's backs. I am never afraid to be open and honest, and I expect the same vunerability in him - he has never failed to be an open book. I love our kids. They are fantastic. Funny, adorable, well-behaved (ACK! I babysat tonight and had a taste of what tough kids are like, we are so stinking blessed!) respectful, loving.
Well, I could go on for hours. I've always been a writer, so this is just as natural as breathing for me. And knowing that no one will ever read it is surprisingly refreshing. I guess that's been my major epiphany for this season in my life. I'm really no one. It kind of hurts to say, but I'll feel better if I can realize it, come to terms with it. Sure I'm someone in my own little world, my kids and hubby love me, my best friend calls me daily (gotta love her) but beyond that... Well. That's the ultimate sacrifice of a stay at home mom, isn't it? Someday.... Well, that's another day's journaling.
About Me
- antho
- Every shoot is different. Every family is unique and special. Every couple has their own interpretation of their relationship. There is no cookie cutter session with me. I think if I get to that point, it's time to put the camera down, don't you? We've all seen those photographers - you know the underpaid hourlys at Sears, or the over-paid wedding photographer that you can tell is simply putting their time in to get the same images - just different folks than they did at the last setting or event. I pray before each shoot to be freshly inspired by the people in front of my lens, that I see what God sees in them. He loves each of us as His precious children and delights in our personalities and quirks. I feel like my calling is to witness that special something in you and capture it in an image. The day that I stop feeling that way about it is the day I need to close up shop.
Visitors Since April 2008
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