Anna-thology

I'm sure my insanity has been confirmed by this point. I keep wondering why I am doing this, the blogging thing, but it's cheaper than therapy and I think it's helping. It's a lot easier to examine yourself when it's all typed out, right there on the screen. Easier to see your blatant faults and obvious short comings. I have always wanted to see myself as others see me, only because other people's flaws are so easy to see, but your own are hidden deep within your personality, lurking in the shadows, tripping you up without your knowing it.

I think I'm aware of my big flaws. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, which would be my first major issue ... overthinking. I spend so much time worrying, re-hashing, post-processing nearly every detail of every day. It's exhausting.

I also struggle with caring what other people think too much, in inhibits my ability to make wise choices, because I'm so afraid of what others will say or think or do. I just want everyone to like me, such a people pleaser that it actually irritates some people!!

But I wonder what others can see about me that I can't. I suppose knowing that information would destroy me, since I probably would be incapable of changing it anyway. I still think I want to know, but it's the proverbial Pandora's box, and there would be no unknowing in the aftermath.

Kind of deep today, sorry. It's just such a weird time in my life. I've joked that Springfield has been our 'waiting room' and it's as though they've lost our chart and forgotten to call our name!! But really? It is. And typical Anna fashion, I just sit here thinking about what I could be getting done, or trying to be all productive and working on my to-do list right here in line...

We have the all-church picnic this afternoon here at Sonrise. I've been anxious about it for weeks now, and I'll be thankful just to get it over with. Turns out I won't be out there much anyway, Brea's been so sick, she can't handle all the excitement and doesn't need the people contact. I guess I hadn't posted it, but she had an iv in for several days because she was just that sick, dehydrated again. It seems like she just stops eating and drinking when she doesn't feel good. It's pretty scary. I thought they were going to admit her there for a while, but we pushed fluids and the iv drip instead and she pulled out of it. She still seems pretty sick, but on the road to recovery. It was an intense three days.

Also, to follow up on my post from the other day. Our financial situation is pretty dire, but Rob and I worked up a plan to make things work until his student loans/grants come in. I think we'll make it. We also had an interview with St. Charles River Church last night and we both felt confidant, so we'll see where that goes.