Well, it’s February and parents, you know what that means! It’s an opportune time to talk to your teenagers about dating and relationships. At least, that will be the topic we’ll be covering in shift the coming weeks. Even though we will be discussing this in youth, it’s crucial to that you don’t neglect your responsibility as a parent in this important area of life training.
So as a parent of a teenager, where do you begin?
Get a Biblical perspective. Be reading the Word, consult it on matters of sexuality. There are many great verses that map out very clear directions on ‘keeping you from the immoral woman’ and ‘rejoicing in the wife of your youth’, ‘fleeing from sexual impurity’ and of course, ‘anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ The Bible is a road map for every area of our lives, including sexuality, but like any good map, you need to study it to reach your intended destination.
Here are some tips to help you broach this difficult subject.
Bring the Holy Spirit into the conversation with you. Pray about how God wants you to speak to your children, to give you discernment when and how to discuss matters, and what depth to go to. Information about sexual relations can be heavy baggage for a young person to carry, so as parents we must ascertain how much they need to know and when is the right time to discuss particulars. At the same time, consider that your teenager is being bombarded with the world’s message of sexuality all the time. We both know that the world’s message is quite different than God’s. The world is shouting their message, how timidly are you representing Gods?
Realize that this will not be a one time conversation. I hate the term ‘The Talk’ because it implies that it’s a single, harrowing experience for both teenager and parent. Having one conversation about sex with your teenager and thinking you’ve educated them completely is like having them read a paragraph about parachuting and deciding they are ready for their first solo jump from an airplane. You may have had notes and covered everything, but your young person may not remember one thing from that first conversation because they are so stunned by the subject matter! When do any of us listen and learn the first time we hear something? You will need to start early, talk clearly, and talk often. I tell my children they can tell me anything and we’ll talk about everything. We’ve done this since they were toddlers, so they know within the four walls of our home, any topic is open for discussion.
Set clear boundaries for your teenager and hold them accountable. Again, it’s important to remember that the world’s message of sexuality is loud and constant. We need strategize for success for our teenagers. Make an agreement with your teenager on guidelines for them to follow such as; group dating only, specific curfew times, modest clothing requirements. Guidelines give your teenager a sense of security and a clear understanding of your expectations. Hold them accountable to these guidelines. If they want adult privileges such as dating or makeup or phone calls with the opposite sex, they need to behave in an adult way, respecting the boundaries you have established and they have agreed to. Give them a clear end–goal; reaching the altar with purity intact, and honoring God a lifestyle of integrity.
References; Proverbs 1:6:24, Proverbs 5:18, 1 Corinthians 6:18, Matthew 5:28
And now we have almost the entire week off. No church this evening, we've been compelled to 'spend times with our families' and I am so cool with that! Rob's talking to his dad now, but we are halfway through the new Robin Hood and I'm pretty sucked in. It's so nice to just lay around the house and chill. Last night I watched 3 episodes of House back to back. That never happens in my world. My number one goal this week is to relax. My number two is to finish up 'Evangelism in the Local Church' - I have one unit left. My number three goal is to organize the condo a bit, and number four is to prep our papers and numbers for taxes. If three and four don't get accomplished, I'm not going to get too worked up about it.
God’s Great Gift: Progressive Revelation
Janet, my friend, my mentor, and senior pastor’s wife, asked me to share this morning in her stead. When I asked if she had something in mind, she encouraged me to share whatever God puts on my heart.
I’m currently taking my fourth Berean Bible class. That being said, God’s pressing a lot on my heart these days. J Seriously, if you ever want to really grow in your relationship with Jesus, take a few Bible courses, it will blow your mind!
Last week I was reading about Progressive Revelation in my Hermeneutics class. The more I got to thinking about it, the more in awe of God I became. So much so that I had to stop reading and just worship Him for a few moments. I quickly came to the realization that Progressive Revelation is one of God’s most awesome gifts to humankind. My textbook defines Progressive Revelation as God revealing truths over a long period of time, according to humanity’s requirements, and at a pace slow enough that people were capable of understanding them.
So basically, Progressive Revelation is God’s divine plan to not overwhelm us with His presence, rather to reveal Himself to the human race in bite sized portions that His people can understand. Such a gracious God we serve! In His infinite wisdom He knew that confronting us full-on with His glory and majesty and righteousness would be heart-attack inducing. So instead, He formed a plan from the beginning of the Old Testament to slowly reveal Himself; His love and His perfect plan in a way that we could grasp.
1 Corinthians 13:12 frames it perfectly “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
Think about it. Old Testament believers had the law, and other than brief encounters with a few select people, that was their understanding of God. He performed some incredible miracles along the way, but they did not have any idea of the capacity of His love. They did not understand that the law was motivated by love. Love sets boundaries to protect us.
Then, when Jesus came to earth, as a tiny precious baby boy, more of God’s love was revealed. That He would send His only son!! To a filthy stable!! Incredible.
His love was even more greatly magnified when Jesus went to Calvary. We get a deeper look into the heart of God when we revel at the pain He must have endured in the dark hours on the cross.
But then, after the joyous resurrection, when the Holy Spirit came and filled us with power from on high; divine truth and light living right here inside us, oh what love He has for us!! The Holy Spirit dwelling in us is such a precious gift! And the amazing thing about the Holy Spirit is that it continually reveals more of God to us within our own lives.
Which brings me to the other side of the coin that is progressive revelation. An interesting character trait that I’ve noticed about God is that He has a deep appreciation of systems, and when He finds a good working system, He seems to enjoy re-implementing it in another area of creation.
You see, progressive revelation works so well on a humanity-wide level, for the good of all mankind, that God decided to duplicate within us as well. How so?
It’s probably best explained with an example. My six year old, Sarah, knows that God is good. She knows He loves her and has a plan for her life. But her capacity for understanding is so small still. Pouring God’s full revelation of love on her life right now would be similar to holding out a Diet Coke can and expecting it to hold the Pacific Ocean. God understands this, and so He reveals Himself to Sarah in ways that she can grasp. And as she grows and trusts and leans on Him, her capacity for understanding will increase simultaneously. And by the time she’s my age, and has been serving Jesus for most of her life, she’ll have a greater understanding of the character of God.
I know this because that’s exactly how it worked in my life. I understand His heart so much more now that I’ve spent a few decades walking with Him. But still, studying these Berean courses, I keep throwing my hands in the air and saying “the more I study and learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know!!”
In the same thought, our sweet saints of the church are so full of God’s glory because they have been walking with Him for so many years. I say that with great respect, I am so looking forward to being a saint of the church!
Can you see how progressive revelation works within our own intimate relationship with God?
So how does this tie in with Christmas? Well, take a moment and to thank God for His gift of progressive revelation, a gift that began in the garden, and was so beautifully unwrapped in the manger 2000 years ago, that grew to take the place of our shame on the cross, and when the gift returned to heaven, He replaced Himself with His Spirit, living in our hearts.
How can we thank Him for this gift? We can use what He has given to walk in His love and by His grace every day. We can use our prayer language often and earnestly seek revival in our own hearts, and then pray that it will spread to our families, our friends, our churches, our neighborhoods, our nation.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find’ knock and the door will be open to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
And God, in His infinite wisdom, will reward us with more a greater understanding of Him. Because He’s found a system that works in progressive revelation.
I’d like to cover an aspect of parenting that has become increasingly near and dear to my heart as my own children gather in age and stature. Each passing day they are ever closer to that leap from the nest (yet never from my heart). Let’s talk about prayer.
I know that seems like kind of an obvious answer… I teach Sunday School and my students always tell me that the right answers to my discussion points are usually Jesus, the Bible, or prayer.
I can’t imagine for a moment being a mom without being a prayer warrior. I remember when we first found out about Eli, after over a year of trying conceive, waving the test in the air exultantly proclaiming “We’re pregnant!” to a very bewildered-looking Rob. My slow and steady husband took a moment to process and while he pondered, my next breath was “What did we do?!?”. Suddenly the depth and brevity of bringing a helpless life into the world crashed in and around my heart and I began to question every aspect of our preparedness for this incredible responsibility we had just flung ourselves into.
In that moment, positive pregnancy test in hand, the crushing anxiety of being a parent set in. And truly, though it ebbs and flows, anxiety has been a faithful companion from that day forth. I began to think about every possible scenario of what could go wrong during pregnancy and delivery in the next nine months.
The reality is that when the baby finally arrives, that’s where the real worrying begins. You take that precious bundle of joy from the sterile cocoon of hospital out in to the real world, the nurse proclaims you ‘parent’ and puts your child in your car waving you off as you head off into the harrowing journey that is parenthood. I’d like to say it gets easier as your child grows, but danger lurks at every corner in the form of germs and falls and weird new diseases. (I distinctly remember being worried about Avian Bird Flu) Then they start school and face the giants of bullies and demanding teachers and loss of naptimes, and my, the list goes on and on. They only continue to grow as this lost and dying world becomes a darker and more sadistic place. Someday soon, in jr. high and high school they’ll be offered all kinds of opportunities to do Lord only knows what with God only knows who!
It’s overwhelming. And of course, you can see how my over-active imagination had a run away with me even before Eli was kicking in my belly. It’s enough to make a parent want to throw in the towel before they even begin.
So how do we combat all this anxiety and complete inadequacy we have as parents?
I’ll tell you what Rob and I did in that moment that we discovered our bundle of joy was on its way. We prayed. We humbly bowed down before the Creator of heaven and earth and everything in between and we asked for help.
When Eli was an infant, he had his days and night’s confused. I wandered around in a sleep-deprived coma for the first six or eight months of his life. We were too broke for cable at the time, so I would sit with my beautiful, babbling, fully-awake baby in the wee hours, night after night, and pray over him. I prayed for his health, his safety, his friends, his career, his walk with God and his future wife. Four years later, when God blessed us with Sarah, my prayer life doubled.
I have never stopped praying for either of my babies. And as they grow and change and move more towards that dreaded leap from our nest, my prayers only get more fervent. I pray for specific character traits and habits and values. I pray against harm and sickness. I pray for relationships and opportunities. But most of all, I pray that they will always walk with Jesus, because I know He knows the way.
When you become a parent, it’s as if a piece of your heart has detached, grown legs and begun walking around and making decisions all for itself. You can still feel all the emotions of it being your heart, but you gradually lose the ability to help it make choices, or to influence the environment around it. The only way to combat the anxiety that comes from that lack of control is to take it to Jesus.
So how do you love your teenager? You pray. You ask the Creator for wisdom, guidance, protection, SANITY, whatever you need at that moment.
Praying for you, my friends–a
“pray without ceasing” 1 Thessalonians 5:17
