Fun In the Sun

Oh, we had a blast today. One of the families from our church (youth leaders and two of our students, actually) invited us to join them at Canyon Lake for the day. The day consisted of BBQ, sun, sand, swimming, jet-skiing and tubing. We tried it all and loved every bit of it. The lake was beautiful. The weather was hot but perfect for playing in the water. We are exhausted and this is just the beginning of our long Memorial Day weekend. :)

PS - there is a photo of me and Sare on the jet-ski, but it's on Sylvia's camera. I can't wait to see it. We went out and got ourselves good and lost on this giant lake and it was a ton of fun. :) Had to stop and ask directions back to the site, it was definitely a memorable adventure.

Great Day..

It's all starting to come together here in San An. And I love it. I cannot even begin to tell you how much we are all enjoying being a family again. Rob and I have just been soaking up our time together. Today was our last Friday of the school year (Fridays are the new Thursday) and after I did a grocery run, we went to Six Flags for about 3 hours. We rode the big rollercoasters, shot a few promo videos for Shift, and just generally enjoyed each other's company. Afterwards we had lunch at McAllister's. It was a beautiful day. Ran home for quick showers and then picked up the kids and took them to explore the library. We all perused and read books for a little over an hour and then came home for a lazy evening at the casa. Well, Rob ran to check out and purchase a fun new-to-us office desk that I found on Craigslist, but other than that we are all sacking out on the couch, the computer and the stairs. (for whatever reason, Sarah loves to sit on the lower landing of the stairs and hang out there)

Just extremely thankful to be here. Looking forward to a long weekend of ministry and relationship building. Tomorrow we are going jet-skiing with some families from church. Sunday is of course, Sunday, and then our senior pastor and his wife are joining us for homemade fettuccini alfredo. Monday we are headed to New Braunsfels to hang out with the Hayes family. Sounds like a beautiful way to spend Memorial Day weekend, doesn't it? [blessed]

Two Happys from Yesterday

so, today I've spent the bulk of the day on the phone trying to get our details in place, and it seems like each phone call produces 2 more... So I'm taking a moment to focus on the good stuff. I took these two photos yesterday.

This first one, I noticed Eli's Bionicles in our shower yesterday morning. I love that he still plays, and I'm not generally a fan of toys in our grown up zone, but this just made me smile, his plastic warriers tucked in between my shampoo bottles and scubbies. Love that boy.

And this is some of the new stuff I got with my birthday gift card from Rob at New York and Co. Love the bangly earrings and necklace, topped it off with my jean capris from Target and a favorite pair of grey Converse knock offs. :) Ok, that was fun. Back to dealing with people who don't know how to do their jobs.

Still Here

(pages from the bottom of my post, having an issue with blogger, so they are out of order)

Hate that I haven't been blogging lately. I guess in the past 10 days there has been so much more to do than normal. Just getting the house set up has been a major adjustment, downsizing from three bedrooms to two has been, well, interesting, to say the least. I really do like our new place, but I'm thankful that it's temporary. We've still got a good bit of square footage (just under our house in Baytown) but it seems to be ate up in hallway, stairs, closets, and bathrooms. I just laugh that it's a 2 bedroom, 3 bathroom place with a tiny living/dining area. We do feel a bit in each other's space because of that, I think, but it's temporary and we've made it very homey.

(yep, that's really the corner of the table in the edge of the photo, and I'm standing in the 'office' area to take the pic)

Eli's doing great with school and the adjustment over all. He makes friends extremely easily (what a gift for a pastor's kid) and loves his class and teacher and school already. Sarah has really struggled with an attitude, and is having a difficult time finding her place (at the center of attention) in a class of 22 rather than her gifted class of 8 before. She's been acting out a lot, escalating even from what she was doing during our separation from Daddy, which seemed pretty dramatic to me.

This morning she pitched a hugenormous fit over wanting to change her clothes at 7:27 (school starts at 8). I wouldn't allow it, we pick out clothes the night before to prevent that very sort of behavior. Screaming and hollering persisted. (on her part, not mine) Well, I'm not cool with this behavior at all, and now we share walls with neighbors, who I'm sure do not apreciate a toddler-sized screaming fit at that hour. So this afternoon she wrote "I will not yell." ten times. and if she does it again, she'll be writing it 10 times and a note to each neighbor to apologize. She also has lost choosing privileges on clothes and hair until her behavior rights itself. The power of individual choice seems to be Sarah's greatest currency.

Anyway, here's her writing her sentences. She did not appreciate me taking her photo, but I haven't camera-ed in forever and it's killing me!!

I also nabbed a couple of each kiddo in my new ATP prop chair. Now if I could just get some San Antonio clients to set in it. :) I say that, but I haven't produced any effort thus far. I feel like I'm just getting adjusted, and the older I get (gulp, 31 hit me last week like a ton of bricks and out of no where) the slower my adjustment period is to these dramatic life changes.

I am, though, extremely grateful to be here. I feel like Rob and I are reconnecting, our family is righting itself back on it's axis of God and church and ministry and togetherness. I'm learning the area and beginning to explore things on my own. I'm still praying about direction as far as employment and/or photography and really wondering what the summer is going to look like. Definitely going to miss LGA this year. :(

Ok, that's enough for now. Pray for Sarah please. And thanks for hanging on through this transition, I know it was a toughie. Just be glad you only had to read about it. :) The past 9 months has been one of the more difficult season of my life, and I'm thankful it's wrapping up. (we close on the 3rd, so then it is over and San Antonio is the place)

On a lighter note, I squeezed in about an hour of scrapping with Lori this afternoon. She's almost 9 months pregnant, so I ignored the screaming needs of our home-settling projects and played for a bit, it felt good and I find myself scheming as to when I can get back to it. Got three pages done..

The Eagle Has Landed

Well, my friends, that was a whirlwind, wasn't it??

Long story short, on May 12, Rob found a place that would work for us. I packed the house and we moved on Friday the 15th. Our lease couldn't be signed until the 17th, so we spent my 31st birthday moving into our rental townhome. It's really cute, we're slowly but surely getting it fixed up sweetly.

And we are all thrilled to be reunited as a family. :)

Waiting for New Beginnings...

18 days.

I notice my magnolia beginning to bud (and silently shed a tear that it is staying here to grow without my careful gaurdianship) and wonder if the blooms will burst forth before we pack up and move on the 28th.

Not that I'm reluctant to move. I feel like I have a lot in common with this bud right now, stuck in the quiet growth process, waiting for the right time and circumstances to bust forth into full beauty and purpose. This bud is a sign of hope, that my time is coming, too. And I just have to be patient and diligent, allowing God to work in and through me during this time.

My new pastor's wife, Janet, is pretty much awesome. She's been praying for me a lot lately. Last weekend, during our teensy little time time together, she mentioned her waiting season in Illinois, 10 years ago. They were walking through a house selling too, and the moment they had a contract, she got in the car and drove all the way to Texas. (ironically, they served in Jerseyville, just minutes from Hartford, small world, isn't it?) Anyway, she told me that looking back she wished she would have waited, enjoyed the time on her own, responsibility free. Now, with the kiddos, my situation is a little different, but her story did speak to me. I need to take advantage of this time, enjoy it. I still have a lot of responsibility (especially this past week with Eli and his strep, and then that last week, to get us all moved), but I do have some free time and I'm going to try to make the most of it. I squeezed in a little scrapbooking this weekend. It looks like a lot, but I mostly planned pages. None of these were incredibly complicated or difficult, but they were all fun. And I plan on scrapping quite a bit more in these next 2 weeks or so. Especially next Monday. ;) I'm thinking that day I'll head to my favorite scrapbook store, and really make the most of hubby being out of town.

Now for a few scrapbook layouts...

This page features a mug my mom gave me probably 8 years ago or so. I always laugh because it's the liberated woman, and here I am, a homemaker. :) But a strong homemaker, at that. And willing to step in and do whatever the Lord requires of me. I took this picture clear back in December, and just now had the perfect layout for it.

A starting over page about our transition to San An. This map is from our hotel when we went to interview, and the note is from Janet, saying how excited she and Pastor Doug are to get to know us. It was buried in a HUGE gift basket that our kids devoured.

You all probably remember this sign that Eli has had posted the last year or so on his bedroom door. Totally symbolic of my son at this age. Just love it and had to keep it so I can show it to his wife some day. ;)

And of course, had to do a page about how thankful I am that our house is sold. I'm not kidding, every time I drive down our street (and see the other 3 houses on the block that are still for sale) I whisper a little prayer of awe and wonder that God sold ours and we are almost on our way. God is so good.

I love pages featuring my kids artwork. Eli is constantly bringing home little scraps of paper with intricately drawn characters and dramatic story lines. I love this, it's a commonality for us, I did the same thing all through elementary and jr. high. It's such a cool way to relate to him, and I love how we've documented so much of it for him.

I took this photo a few months back, but it still gets me every time I see it. Such trust in her eyes, admiration, comfort. I totally get that. Rob makes me feel the same way. I pray that someday both of my children will find a Christian mate that makes them feel that treasured and special each day. It is such a blessing.

Just a fun numbers page for our anniversary. I didn't really have any photos from this year, since it got so abrubtly interrupted, so I had to improvise. I took this photo back in November, I believe, while I was taking that photography class. pretty fun.

My absolute favorite page of the weekend. Rob took a photo on his cell phone when we went for an hour long scooter ride on Friday. He posted it on FB and I traced it. Love the effect. It turns out, this is the one photo from our 12 year anniversary, that just doesn't seem right! But, as bummed as I was to make that 4 hour trek home two days early, I still felt blessed for the time we had. I wanted to document it. Having uninterrupted, face to face conversation, that was all I really wanted for our special day.

Well, that's it for now, but I've got a huge stack of planned pages I'm wanting to work on, so expect more soon. :) Oh, and E's doing so much better. His fever is down to 100.5 without tylenol, so he's almost there. Poor kid, such a rough weekend for him. He told me today, that my mother's day present was that he would do 3 chores of mine, that I regularily do, when he feels better. Isn't that the sweetest thing? I love that kid.

Layouts from the past 6 weeks...

(Lori's going to be happy)

Rob's Anniversary Gift

wanted to give him this in person, but it was late and well, you know the rest. So I'm sharing a picture or two here so he can see it. Plus, I'm super excited because it's BEAUTIFUL!! I ordered it from my friend, Monique Marnell. Her stuff is exquisite! Plus, if you throw a party you'll get jewelry for free, it doesn't get any better than that!!

Motherhood Trumps It All...

Twelve years ago tomorrow I married the man of my dreams. :-) And amazingly enough, he still is! and we were 18 hours into our anniversary weekend when I got a phone call asking me to come home to Eli running a temp. Now that he's resting quietly on the couch and all is right with the world again. Except that I still miss Rob. An ache that has become so familiar these past six weeks, but still gnaws.

I have such a great respect for our men and women serving in the military, leaving their spouses on the homefront for a year at a time. Wow. What a stretch. Plus the dangerous nature of their employment. I mean, let's face it, being a youth pastor isn't exactly living on the edge. (most of the time) And I've been so blessed to spend every weekend, or at least a chunk of each weekend, reunited with Rob.

So I just want to take the opportunity to express how thankful I am for Rob. Thankful that we have a really great marriage. Thankful that we are still each other's best friend. Thankful that there is an ache in my heart when he is far away. And so grateful for our 18 hours of undivided attention to one another yesterday. It soothed my soul.

I am also thankful that when the tide of loneliness threatens to overtake me, pull me under with it's self-consuming current, that God steps in each time and pulls me up again, and reminds me that He is supposed to be my first love. I'm learning, ever so slowly, I am learning.

I pray that when this experience is over and I'm standing firmly planted with on the other side (holding my husband's hand tightly) that I'll have passed this test rather than failed it. So many times I feel like I'm not living up to God's standard for me in this, or not learning what I need to learn. But I do have the occasional "I can do this!" mentality and am trying to stand on those times rather than the others.

There are so much worse things we could be walking through. I was counting blessings as I raced back to Baytown. We are so blessed that the house sold. Thank You, Jesus. We are blessed that Rob has a job that he loves. Blessed because we are a loving family that actually enjoys each others company. Blessed that we have a good support network in two different cities. Blessed to have Facebook and cell phones, we are still involved in each other's lives! Blessed to have a cat that has been my constant c0mpanion. She may be the only one who misses Rob more than me. :) Blessed to have my Bible, the freedom and time to study it. Blessed to have an iPod filled with good solid worship music. Blessed to have a bestie who helps me to be strong when I'm falling apart. Blessed to have two beautiful children who are a joy to me every day. blessed, blessed, blessed.

And there's the irony. The whole time we planned this weekend, I felt guilty about being away from the kids on Mother's Day. As I type this, Sarah's tromping around the house in my fancy flip-flops, looking cuter than cute. I almost felt relieved to be reunited with them for tomorrow. I love being a mom, even though I rarely feel like I'm good at it. Insecure, I suppose. But I see other moms whose world revolves around their kids; chaperoning every field trip and hosting every school holiday party, freaking out about every sniffle or scrape, wrapping their entire lives around their kids. I'm just not that mom. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I fully realize (every day in fact) that they will one day soon grow up and leave my nest. My influence in their lives fades a bit each day as they grow older, and eventually they will be off doing their own thing. I'll still love them, support them, pray for them. But my very existence won't be hinged on their every movement.

I've been praying during this transition that God would give me an incredible love for my children. That He would grow me in this area, that I would see them as He sees them, and treasure all the little things, all the special moments. That I would appreciate the crinkles around Eli's eyes when he laughs and the glint of the sun in Sarah's hair when she's dancing in the yard. That I would love the grasp of their grubby hands when we go for a walk or even the wet tears on my shoulder when they cry over some small hurt. I want to be a better mom, and I know that only God can cultivate that in my heart.

Well, that's a lot of deep stuff for a Saturday morning. I'm going to log off now, and go see if Sarah would like to scrapbook with me. Who knows, maybe this Mother's Day weekend is part of an answer to my prayer?

Safe In Daddy's Arms

So, through an interesting series of events... (that can only be qualified as God) We have a full price contract on our house. (with us paying closing, but we are cool with that). Set to close June 3rd. Thank You, Jesus.

This has been such a unique season of our lives. I took this photo Friday night, and it kind of summarizes my end of this San Antonio move. It's taken a lot of prayer, and searching, and trusting on my part, but the end result is that we were always safe in Daddy's arms.

One thing about my relationship with the Lord in the past year is realizing that I've always struggled trusting Him as a daddy figure. It's not a big secret that I don't have the best relationship with my dad, I wish it was different. But I definitely left home with some serious trust issues, and 'Daddy' has never been a term for God that I have been able to use. Even now, it's still kind of an awkward thing for me, because the term 'Daddy' doesn't mean to me what it does for most, I suppose. Totally different for Sarah. She sees 'Daddy' as her playmate, her friend, her provider, her defender, her strength, her supporter, her cheerleader, and her biggest fan. Puts some perspective to my relationship with the Lord, that He is all of those things in a way that my earthly father wasn't really capable of.

Through this whole transition, (not that it's over, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel) God has had us safe in His arms. We've never strayed from His plan, and we are right on track with His timeline. Notice the 'His' because often times it varies from ours. I was never thrilled about being away from Rob, but God definitely used it in a dramatic way to pull me closer to Him. And that I will never forget. I am thankful for this season. I am thankful to be in a love relationship with a God who pulls me close, and gives me opportunity to depend on Him. I feel like I personally have a better understanding of...

1 James 1:2-3, ²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I'm delighted that He loves me enough to test me, to develop perseverance and character in me. I'm so thrilled with the plans that He has for me. And relieved to know that it will never be more than I can bear.

So, I'm glad the end is in sight. Don't ask me when, cause that's still unknown. But I'm not going to borrow burdens that I wasn't intended to bear by worrying about it, God will show us the next step one decision at a time. (another great lesson in this time period)

One last little nugget God has really pressed on my heart lately... We need to come to Him in prayer over every detail of our lives, every decision, every situation, every opportunity. He has a perfect plan, if we just consult Him. Without going into every detail, in this house contract process, Rob and I had a major decision to make, the answer was very unclear and literally could have been a right choice either way. We were both unsure. We paused, we prayed together about it, sought council from our mentors, and then went forward. In the time it took us to make the decision, God moved and totally turned the situation from a negative to a positive, and in doing so, removed the burden of the decision from us. If we hadn't stopped to seek Him, we would have moved ahead in our own strength, and missed the blessing of Him providing. Being people with free will, we have such a 'Sarah' tendency (Sarah from Genesis, not my Sarah) to decide that God isn't moving fast enough and surely He wants us to intervene on His behalf. And in the process, we muck up the works.. I'm a get-er-done-er for sure, and this is a big temptation for me, so much so that most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. But this experience these past nine months has really shown me the importance of pausing and praying about the details. Slow down long enough to give God a chance to intervene supernaturally on your behalf. And watch the blessing happen...

And, because I can't post a photo of one child without the other; here's my sweet boy just before he tuckered out Friday night. They both were so blessed to see Daddy. Weren't we all? Can't wait to live in the same city again and be done with that drive...

Time for a funeral sandwhich, pastor's kids comfort food, I guess. :)

PS - I'm listening to Franklin Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and I massively recommend it. Might have to be a whole blog post in itself. So very good.

While I'm Waiting

Feels like something's happening today. Versus yesterday, where it felt like this time period stretches out achingly before us with no end in sight. Tough for me because I'm a planner. I'm good if I can just have my plan in place. Flexible, the plan can be fluid, or have multiple possibilities, but I really like the security of a good plan.

Planning, well, it's been thrown out the window. Instead, I've been reduced to waiting. And the beauty of waiting, the reduction that happens in waiting, is that it opens wide room for God to sweep in, areas of your heart that He's maybe never had access to before. Waiting, while it's hard, it's good.

I've participated in lots of conversations in the past 9 months or so about whether or not associate pastor's should buy houses. I've camped out in both fields. The very nature of an associate pastor is so tenuous, it's easy to say, no never. It's totally brainless to buy a house when your job is basically never secure. And in the world's eyes, I think I agree with that. But I'm not supposed to look through the world's eyes. I'm supposed to view my life with God's eyes, with His vision for my path, and to remember that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord.

Looking back to June of 2007, the last thing I wanted to do was buy a house. Owning way back in Sioux City, years ago, scared the tar out of me with just the sheer weight of the responsibility of home ownership. And God so covered us in that transition; from Sioux City to Bible College, when I think about His grace, so generous when we were so young and stupid, well, it reminds me yet again, how good God is, and that is grace truly is sufficient for me.

When we came to Baytown, it was our senior pastor encouraged us to buy. He wanted a tangible commitment from us. I guess youth pastors have a bad rap, but now having been youth pastors for 5 years, I've got to say that our less-then-longevity rate cannot be solely blamed on the associate. There are a lot of other factors, many of which have nothing to do with job-performance or satisfaction. (I'm just sayin!) Anyway, we have always loved and valued our senior pastors opinion, and God opened doors left and right for this very house that I am sitting in right now. I don't doubt for a moment that it was His will for us to live right here the past three years.

This house has been a tremendous blessing to us, and hopefully to anyone who has ever stepped through it's doors. We've loved, lived, laughed, ministered more in this house than any other place we've called home. God has done amazing things in this house and I am grateful for it, and saddened that it's season is drawing to a close. But I am thankful and will remember all the blessings; all the photos taken, the work done, installing the crown molding as a couple, all the life groups we've shared here, the time we squeezed 27 teenagers on the trampoline, my surprise 30th birthday, hosting Thanksgiving with the Wells and the Tindols, putting the roof on, just to name a few. I get teared up when I think of the wonderful people we've gotten to share this space with. No, I wouldn't trade the past 3 years in this house for anything.

So, do we buy or do we rent again? I don't think it's that simple. I don't think, at this juncture in my life, that I'd be brave enough to tell God "I'd never" on any issue. He's taught me a lot about that these past 6 weeks or so. I think my official opinion is that Rob and I will seek counsel from the Lord on every decision, and trust that He's not going to lead us somewhere where He doesn't intend to provide for us. And I think that is something that I can take to the bank. :)

Keeping Time

Wow. It's been a while again. It's crazy, because I find myself blogging in my head, when I'm busy doing something else. I definitely have things to share, just no time to set down and get after it, I guess. Which is crazy, you would think during this crazy season of our lives that I would have nothing but time, but it seems to be the oppposite. Maybe because I'm squeezing everything normal into our lives on Monday-Thursday, and then traveling to San Antonio on the weekends. Somehow it makes everything seem more crammed, and try as I might, every day I can't seem to get it all done.

This morning's been weird. I woke up late and my allergies are really worked up, plus I think I must have a mild stomach bug. So I just feel like I'm moving underwater a bit. I really need to sit down and do my bible study, which has been my lifeline this past month. But I wanted to prep the house first, in case we get a call for another showing. (we had two over the weekend, and a third cancelled) Anyway, I was headed towards my room to do my quiet time, but then saw the computer and thought about how long it had been since I blogged. So I'm pushing the pause button for a few moments and doing this first.

I titled this post Keeping Time because I feel like that's what we are doing right now. It's just kind of this strange waiting room to be living in. I'm really doing pretty good with it over all, most of the time. God is definitely sustaining me. Today's not my best and brightest, but I'm pretty sure that's just cause I'm not feeling that great. Mondays are always a bit tough, going back to face another week of waiting. I picture a metronome on the piano, and just wonder how many clicks we are counting towards. But with that in mind, I know that God's will is perfect. I can see how He is using this time to grow our family, to grow my passion and love for Him.

It was funny, while we were in SA this weekend, I spent all Friday working the parade with Rob and then went to a graduation party that night, literally no time for quiet time, from the moment I got up until the very end of my day. I prayed while I put up chairs, and I read a few Psalms before my eyes fell shut that night. And by Saturday morning, I felt spiritually parched. Rob and the kids went for scooter rides with Pastor Doug and I holed up in our room with some worship music and the Word. I don't think I've ever been at a point where I craved it like that. awesome. That's God's growth in me right now. That is exciting, and when I think about what God is doing in me, I'm refreshed to continue this season. When I think about how I feel and the endless waiting stretching out before me, I get depressed and sad. So guess what I'm choosing to think about! :)

Also wanted to share a few photos from the weekend. I'm so in love with my kids right now. Even though single parenting is extremely difficult and I rarely feel up to the challenge, I still think they are amazing.

PS - We did have an offer on the house yesterday. But it was insultingly low. I didn't realize how insulting until I did the math and realized we'd need to bring about 10k to closing. Sheesh! We countered, and haven't heard anything back. It expires in about 2 hours, so I'm not holding my breath. I'm praying that there's a better offer out there, that the right person will come and buy our house and it will be a blessing to them like it has been to us.

My Unexpected Share..

So, today I posted a status update on FB...

"well, friends, today God answered a prayer I've been praying for 14 years! What a mighty God we serve! Don't hesitate to ask and keep asking!"

and learned that you can't put a post like that on FB and not get a whole lot of questions. I guess we all want to know the rest of the story, don't we? It's human nature, I guess.

At first I was reluctant, because it's a private matter that I've been less-than-thrilled to discuss with most everyone for years. A few people in my circle of trust knew, but they were all people that I felt were safe, who knew me well enough to feel that they wouldn't hold it against me. The truth is, I was holding it against myself.

So after my 7 comments of "what is it? tell us what God did!" Rob and I discussed it. He encouraged me to share my story with my friends on FB. Why not? Surely that is part of the point of God bringing me through it.

I grew up Catholic and Methodist. At 16 I got really serious about my relationship with God and totally committed my heart to Him. At 17 I started attending Morningside Assembly of God and fell even more in love with Him. I saw how everyone else was worshipping Him, having this deep intimate relationship, especially through speaking in tongues. I first prayed to receive the Holy Spirit back in February 1997, with evidence of tongues. It didn't happen then. I continued to seek Him. Ever since then, I've been praying for this deeper, fuller relationship with the Lord. I've felt like a fraud this whole time, being married to an AG minister and lacking this free gift. I have been at the altar so many times begging God to reveal Himself to me, and always coming back without, feeling inadequate. All this time though, I believed in it. Needless to say, God had to weed through a bit of baggage on my part. :) But today, after speaking with a long-time friend, I just holed myself up in my room, turned on the worship music, and gave myself to God. It took about 3 songs. And then, it was happening. And I didn't stop for 2 hours! (I guess I had a bit pent up over 14 years!) Anyway, it was more amazing than anything I had ever imagined. I feel free and more attune to God. I feel like He can use me more readily than ever before. The only reason I'm sharing all this is to encourage any Christian that hasn't received their free gift of the Holy Spirit. Don't give up. He's faithful, and He's promised it. For me, the big issue was thinking God was just going to grab my tongue and start. My friend helped me understand that I had to speak first, and that it really would sound like nonsense. But I had to fight that feeling and then the Holy Spirit would kick in and do the rest. I had to stop being afraid of feeling stupid or foolish. As soon as I let go of that fear, it happened. Feeling very blessed today. I can totally see why God has Rob and I in the wierd situation we are in. I feel grateful that He loves me that much!

I'm also insanely excited about the future. I'm delving into that bag of 'things I put off because I didn't think I could manage without the power of the Holy Spirit' and it seems to be a bigger bag than I realized! One of my major hold backs has been on continuing my education with Bible College. I've known for about 8 years that I'd like to get my Bible degree and eventually hold papers with the AG, as a compliment to Rob, but also, I really enjoy preaching! I had put it off thinking, sure I could graduate, but never be a minister without receiving the Holy Spirit. Anyway, I'm just excited about the possibilities. And excited to start really using this new gift! :)

Up All Night with some Insight

Had such an interesting experience last night. First off, I think the problem started with taking a Claritin D, which apparently hyped me up rather than making me drowsy. (now we know where Sarah gets it from).

So I couldn't sleep. Like, at all. Was still wide away at 3:30am. I was praying, talking to God, not worried, just restless. After looking at the clock though, that freaked me out a bit. I hate that last few hours before dawn. I felt myself starting to get scared, and I just began to talk with God about it more. I felt like He just plopped a thought in my head, that so applies to our life right now.

"Lord, I give You my strength, and I give You my heart. I exchange them for Yours. Make me more like You."

Just thinking about the house selling, and all the insanity we are walking through right now, I felt God's peace just wash over me. I don't need to do this in my strength, because He's ready and willing to loan me His. awesome. I still didn't fall asleep until about 5am (for that whole hour before Eli wakes up) but I had a good time just talking to Him. And I woke up refreshed and energized for the day, excited to love on my kids this morning. We had an awesome morning, probably the best we've had in 2 weeks.

Then in my quiet time this morning, I'm reading in Exodus. The Israelites have just left Egypt and slavery (which is not at all how I feel about Trinity, Trinity was a season of incredible blessing for us, just for the record) and started out on this journey into the desert.

"And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light. He did not take away the pllar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people." Exodus 13:22-23

Wow, that is so cool. Though they were in their desert experience, a time of testing and trial, God was leading them every step of the way. Following the cloud, they could not see before them, and at night their immediate lives were lit up by the provision of God. They were living in utter faith, and God showed them exactly as much as they needed to know for that day and that night.

Being familiar with the rest of their desert experience, we know that God goes on to provide them with manna, and later quail. And that because of their disobedience, they wound up wandering around the desert for 40 years! (I think I read somewhere that the journey should have only taken 6 months or something)

So, what do I learn from that? Rob and I are in a desert situation. (my friends Lori and Jay seem to be too) And so, we can trust from the story, that God is showing us just what we need to know for each day, and each night. (brilliantly illustrated by my total lack of sleep last night) And we can also trust that God will provide us every bit of sustainance needed along the journey. (the manna and the quail) And finally, if we balk and grump and sin along the way, the desert experience is going to be far more drawn out than it needs to be.

So my prayer is that I will learn to rely on God's strength, trading my ability for His perfect ability and that I will be obedient and right hearted through this experience. Again, it all comes back to trust. My nine year old quoted to me this morning;

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, and in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:4-6

Good stuff from a wise little boy.

It's going to be a beautiful day, don't you think??

Random Photos from Our Day

Trying hard to focus on the kids. Took a few photos today.

This first one is them video chatting with Daddy. They are totally loving that! To Sarah, it's just a giant mirror. Lots of competition to lead the conversation. It's pretty hilarious to watch them try to outdo one another. Rob and I just sit back and giggle.

Then at dinner this evening, they've been enjoying the great prices on cantelope right now. Neither of them can get enough of it. I had to laugh at this site of both of them picking under the saran wrap for seconds.

Sarah had to love on the cat, always. Doesn't Maddie look thrilled with the notion?

And my intellectual child, just had to grab a snapshot. Man, I love these kiddos.

Last but not least, we are no longer a one car family. We've moved up in the world to a one car and one scooter family. Rob and our new pastor found this scooter (brand new out of the box) at about 65% off of retail price. It seemed to be a very good solution to our transportation issue. Just praying he stays safe on it. Couldn't beat the insurance price, $76 a year!!

Hanging On Tightly

a friend of mine posted this on her FB wall this morning, and it exactly summarizes what I am experiencing right now....

from Jesus Calling..."When you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly & look for growth opportunities. Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new. I lead you on from glory to glory, making you fit for My kingdom. Say yes to the ways I work in your life. Trust ME, & don't be afraid."

Well, I am definitely far out of my comfort zone for the time being. I feel like I have to trust God with every step of my day, every breath. But really? that's not such a bad place to be, now is it? I can see where He is growing me, and I'm really trying to keep my attitude in check during this whole process. God is so good, I can trust Him. I'm amazed that He trusts me this much. :)

BTW - this song is in my head. (not the original artist, but awesome just the same)

Not a Lot of Time...

story of my life right now, constant running between here and San Antonio. Between this life and our next. Exciting though, God is pulling some really cool things together. Now if we could just get this house sold... :)

Anyhoo, had to share this amazing song that we heard on Sunday and then again on Wednesday night. Life changing, especially to hear on Easter morning. enjoy!!

happy Easter!!

Jesus is Risen!!

Today was our first Sunday in our new church home, CT Church, in San Antonio. We snapped a few photos on the way to service this morning. Other than that I'll have to blog later, too tired to be productive much longer.