Anna-thology: the Sound of Silence...

There's been a lot of silence at my house lately. We got back from vacation on Sunday, and I started to lose my voice that evening. By Monday it was totally gone. It really hasn't made a reappearance yet.

Ok, so that probably still leaves you wondering why I haven't been blogging lately. Since you don't need a voice to type. I've been pretty sick this week, so much so that I actually went to the dr yesterday, it had been 2 years since I'd been to a dr. (not my thing) I'm on prednisone (which, according to Rob, is making me hyper) but it is helping a lot with the whole breathing thing, and a pretty steep antibiotic. Just a sinus infection. Man, I get so sick of having them all the time. The trees start to bud (we saw about 10 bees over the weekend) and the pollens flowing and I'm dying. ugh.

The silence has been good for me. Forced me to re-evaluate my parenting techniques. pretty hard to whisper over a yelling child. :) Also given me extra time to think things through in my head before I exert the energy to whisper them or text them. It's afforded lots of time to talk to God, which is never a bad thing. I've beaten a path from His heart to mine this week. And He's been so faithful, revealing some really awesome lessons along the way.

The past six months I feel like I've really been given a spiritual rebirth. It was needed, and it's been difficult (they don't call it labor for nothing) but it's been so rewarding, and the journey is certainly not done. I've really had to depend on God these past six months, and it reminds me of my favorite time in my life, when Rob and I first started dating in 1997. Not because of the dating thing, but because I was searching out God's next step for me. I started at Morningside that year, and knew from the moment I signed the enrollment forms that it was only a transitionary stage, that God was using it as a stepping stone into the rest of my life. Man, did He ever. In a few short weeks He introduced me to authentic, life-transforming Christians, and got me through the doors of Morningside Assembly of God, right into Pastor Craig Cunningham's Destiny Youth Ministry. God challenged me more in those six months than probably all the 17 years previous. I've looked back at that time many times since then and thought about the passion and the hunger I had. I think all the transition in my life (leaving home, starting college, choosing a career path - ha ha -, changing denominations, developing an all new circle of friends who genuinely liked me just for who I was) all of it made for a perfect storm for God to speak to me.

After that, we headed la-dee-dah down the road towards marriage. I clung to God during Rob's and my courting and engagement, especially during the two semesters that Rob was 400 miles away at Bible College. But I never had again had that passion or fervor. Not that I grew stale, I am still, and always have been a devoted Christian, always trying to move closer, but just never at that same level of abandon. I started working, we got married, bills came in, life got tougher. Then our sweet Eli came into our world. Man, try to be passionate about much when you have a newborn! :) Then we pulled up stakes and sold everything and returned to Bible college. So much to overcome during that time in our life. Sometimes I think it's amazing that we came out of that time period still serving the Lord. :) And then our miscarriages, and then finally (joyfully) Sarah came on the scene. Again, with the newborn-ness. Let's just say it, small children are all consuming. (in a good way, in fact, watching the Office last night made me really miss that brand-new newborn feel, but don't worry, we are done)

Anyway, now that both my babies are in school and Rob's all set with his job, and no one needs me all hours of the day and night, well, I've just had that time and leisure to press in. I've definitely relied on my quiet times for years, but now they aren't as rushed. (most days) And I'm definitely more available in my mind. So much of the past 13 years were consumed with anxiety, and excitement. I think 30 is calming that down a bit. Not that I'm not still prone, but I'm trying to just hand it back to God and say "I can't fix it anyway, can You help?" Lori had a great quote on her Facebook page the other day ...

"People often suffer the most by anticipating suffering that never happens. They, therefore, have more to bear than God gives them to bear." - old Dutch poem, author unknown

And it seriously got me thinking. I spend a lot of time worrying 'what if' and most of the time my worst fears never come true. In my quiet time on Tuesday, I was reading in Genesis about the tower of Babel. (familiar, if not comical story) I'm trying to slow down on these bible stories, not glossing over because I may think I already know it, but really reading it and seeing what truths God has to unveil. Anyway, in this story, the people built the tower for two reasons; 1.) because they were prideful and wanted to be like God (apparently they'd forgotten the whole Eve and the Apple incident) and 2.) because they wanted the tower to serve as a way to keep them from being scattered across the earth. They were afraid of being scattered. (I hadn't understood that before, but go ahead, look it up, it's in there) So, they build their fancy tower and think they are really big stuff and, you all know this part, God goes ahead and destroys it. And goes on to not only scatter the people across the face of the earth, but confuses their language as well. Lesson learned?? Acting in pride and fear will bring about a worse fate than the very thing you are fearing most. hmmm... Good stuff, right? How many decisions do you make out of fear? Or not make because of fear?

Anyhoots (Rob's new word, it's rubbing off on me) I'm beginning to realize that I can choose to lay awake and worry about what might happen, or just hand it over to God and say, well, if it happens, I can trust you to take care of it. :) I'm certainly not there yet, by any means. But, I have had some pretty big points of concern sneak into my life in the last two weeks, and I promise, I gave them back to God. And He solved two of them, just this morning. And I didn't even have to interevene. :)

So, I hope that encourages you today. I'm encouraged. And that's saying something because I've been sick for 5 days now. :) But God is in control and I am thankful for the quiet. I promise, I wrote that in my prayer journal this morning. "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 You can't beat that.

Ok, and because what is a post without a picture?? This is the kids at the zoo last weekend. They had a blast. Sarah ate way too much purple cotton candy and it was delightful. Eli barely complained about the walking. I love my kids.