Heart Treasure

(images from the book, 'the Other Side')

I found the coolest book at the library on Saturday. It's called "the Other Side" and features pairs of drawings throughout, each featuring one side of a two sided story. I was fascinated instantly, and had to check it out and bring it home. Rob and I both have studied the book. It's such a cool concept. One example is a girl looking out the window, studying the world. You flip the page and see the world looking at the window, studying the girl.

This book got me really thinking. About how life is all about perspective.

In worship, on Sunday morning, we were singing about heaven and I started thinking about this book again. I pictured us, our church, worshipping the Lord, reaching towards heaven in faith that God is up there soaking it up. For a moment, I felt like I got a glimpse of the other side of the story, all of heaven, reaching down towards us, ministering to us. (shudders) How cool is that?

Went home after church, picked up the book again and started talking to Rob about what a great illustration it would make to teach our students a bit more about worship. Then I started thinking about life in general and how here, in this world, we are stuck on just one side of the page. There's a whole other side that we can't even flip! Do you know what I mean? We can't even see the rest of our story! It makes so much sense. Of course we struggle when things don't go our way, when heartache comes or disease or even death. We can't see why we wrestle with problems or addictions or rough relationships. But the reality is, we can't see that other page, and I trust that it will make a lot more sense when God reveals it. For sure I've seen enough 'hindsight' in my own life to see God's hand of protection all over it. I can't even imagine how much moreso it will be when He can clearly paint the entire picture for me. What a glorious day that will be!

Honestly, I personally feel a little like the book right now...

So much going on in my heart and my life again. And ironically, I'm not in much of a position to share it. I laugh at that, because years ago, when I started this blog, it was supposed to be my place to vent. (oh, and I did, it's not pretty!) If you were to go back to the beginning, you would read my rants and raves about trivial nonsense every day stuff. Lots of posts about lack of space and lack of money and all that I was not happy about in my life at the time. I've grown a lot since then. (five years ago already) One of the biggest changes has been in becoming a pastor's wife. I've learned that I can't just vomit my feelings all over the world wide web for every one and their brother to read. I do leave those first few months public though, because I believe it's a testament to God's grace and His ability to grow us.

It's a little strange to me, how often as a pastor's wife I'm required to hide things away in my heart; information, hurt feelings, injustices, etc. In my youthful niavety, I thought that being a pastor's wife would mean being completely transparent and utterly honest. Please note, I am not condoning lying in any way, shape or form... I have, however, learned a lot about discretion. And wisdom. (I have a long ways to go in both those departments) I am always surprised at how many things I just have to hide in my heart, and store away until I can work it out with God, or until He chooses to reveal it. I often think of Mary, in Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." I can relate to her, knowing some of God's great secrets, His treasures, and not being at liberty to share it all with the world. There is a secret joy in sharing your heart only with the Lord. Another verse that has taught me a lot lately is Proverbs 25:11 "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." I have always struggled with holding my tongue. Not very lady like and certainly not very godly. I'm excited that God has been working on me in this area of my life.

It certainly is journey. And I am always grateful that He hasn't given up on me just yet. :) You either, in case you are wondering.

blessings.