my dad came to visit today.

It was good. We don't ever get much time to talk and it's too bad because we have great conversations when we do. It's emotionally draining though. He's changed so much in the past two years, he's like a new dad. It's awesome, but hard in the same breath, I'm still mourning the man he was while I grew up at home. His attitude is that he cannot change the past but he can be different in the future. I, of course, still have to grieve the past, but delight in his new lease on life. It's hard though, I wish he could have come to terms with all of this when I was younger, so we could have had more together.

We spent some time discussing his problems, raised without a mother and all. He had found some literature that really explained a lot about his attitudes and fears, and I understood, but it still hurts to re-hash the ways he has disappointed me in past years. I feel like he's making great strides to right the relationship, and I appreciate it and and have embraced the new him. I just have to come to terms with the past and understand that he had so many limitations, and he was doing the best he emotionally could. Still tough, I just want to lay down and cry now. Not because I hurt, more because I'm emotionally exhausted. I miss Rob too, we haven't spent much one on one time together lately and I always treasure that time. Hopefully we can find five minutes this afternoon and just hold each other. That always soothes the world's problems for me.

Us, with our mentors - Craig and Tricia. They helped us first make the decision to come to Springfield for college. On a Sunday afternoon 3 and 1/2 years ago we sat in their living room deciding if it was possible. Now today, realizing that Rob graduates in ten days, it was awesome to spend time with them. We are really thankful for their influence on our life.

My friend Lisa came over last night with her family just to hang out for a bit. It was hard for Eli, he's going to miss his friends so much. I'm just really hoping that our friends will come to see us in our new home!

The kids, hanging out with our friends.

I'm exhausted.

The past few days have completely worn me out. The back story is that I have been struggling with a sinus infection for over a month now. I had been on an anitbiotic and it was helping but Brea played with the bottle half way through lost it. I found it a few days later but it was too late to resume. Of course, I was feeling better, but then slipped back from too little sleep and too much stress. :) So then I got *really* sick and now am on a super heavy duty antibiotic that makes me ill, seriously, I have a headache for four days now and it makes my stomach upset. I can't sleep at night either - I'm tired but I keep waking up, so I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Then add on tons of packing and last minute visits with friends and I'm just ready to die. I've laid down in the afternoon for 45 minutes every day for the past three days, just to try and keep up. I just hope I can get it together before we move, I don't want to move like this. Anyway, just pray for me because I have a lot to do, it's crazy.

CBC Christmas Carnival

wow. so much fun. The kids had a blast. Sarah got a vacuum that roars and spins. Eli got a 1000 piece Lego set - he played with all afternoon and evening last night. They also won a giant Pooh bear and some fun smaller toys. I love this party, we've been going for the past 4 winters. I'm going to miss it. It was exhausting too - the kids were so wiped out when we got home, Rob and I too. We had a blast though.

as promised

These are a few of the pictures from friday night. We had so much fun with the kids. They loved the lights. Chick-fil-A is always a big hit too. We've been spending a lot of time with Kim lately- it's hitting me hard that we will be 3+ hours away in ten days. I'm really going to miss her - she's been such a blessing to us these past 3 and 1/2 years. Like family really. We had great conversation on Friday night, while I was ornamenting and she was scrapping. I love that she's picked up the hobby, it gives us just another commonality. Anyhoo, I'm rambling (but need I remind you - it's my blog). These lights were at Cornerstone church in Springfield. I was in awe, it really put the Ozark display to shame! So glad we went.

"tis the season"
I'm feeling very christmas-y. We have a christmas carnival to attend this morning with the kids, they are so excited. It's a great tradition that the school puts on for married students children. We go every year and it's so much fun! I'll have lots of pictures later - shocking, I know. Yesterday we toured the lights @ Cornerstone church in Springfield. It was awesome. I will post pictures later when I have more time. Also, I did a tiny bit of christmas shopping yesterday, getting decorations for our tree- so we can put it up right away. I scored big, finding some beautiful red cordoroy ribbon w/ lime stitching. I also made these ornaments last night with Kim. I love how they turned out. Can't wait to put up the tree!

Celebrate
Finally, I can get this page up. I think I did it Monday or Tuesday. I love it though, very simple but I had fun making my own rub-ons with paint, the printer and a transparency. Love the very idea of the page. These are my closest friends - Lori (in the blue) and Kim (in the plaid). I am so thankful for them!

I bought milk yesterday

And I always notice the expiration date. IT WAS DECEMBER 17TH!!! MY MILK WILL EXPIRE AFTER WE MOVE!!!! Isn't that exciting??

I'm sure you are shaking your head and googling the nearest looney bin for me, but there's logic in my post, I promise. As long as I have been a grocery shopper (more than ten years now) I have noticed expiration dates, especially on milk products. When there is something big in my life coming up, say a birthday or a trip to look forward to, I know it's close when the expiration dates are that day! Does that make sense? Because usually the expiration date is only 10 days to 2 weeks out. I'm silly, but it's a big thing to me. Two weeks from today I will be unpacking in my new house, meeting my new neighbors and seeing *gasp* my new studio space! I'M SO EXCITED! (in case you couldn't tell)

I promised more.

Not much more rested this morning, but it's a new day and I have lots to do. I just spent an hour entering/reconciling our checkbook and we are right on. I am so amazed how we've been able to make it with no income since the beginning of November. God is so good. He truly has provided for our every need, but not a stitch beyond the time frame we need it - so there is no question as to what step we need to take next.

Years ago - when I was first the tiniest bit pregnant with Eli - we visited some friends here in Springfield. They had just had their first baby, and were struggling to finish school. They spent a lot of time explaining to us how God was providing for their every need. I remember going home from that trip, in awe of them and their faith, thinking that we could never trust like that. I think it was forshadowing for these three and a half years we have just finished. God was preparing my heart. I wanted that kind of faith. At the time, Rob and I both had management positions and were making really good money, lived in a beautiful house, had two cars. I can't even imagine those things now - not in my wildest dreams, since we've been broke for so long now. But I'm thankful, in a strange way. Although financially and materially we have lost almost everything of value - what we have gained is worth so much more, and it can never be taken away from us. Rob and I - our lives are wound together like two plants with different roots that have grown together so intimately that separation is impossible. Even our roots have intertangled and we, together, ultimately make something far greater than either or us could ever achieve seperately.

When we first married I constantly worried that he would leave me, that he'd get tired of me and move on, or worse, be annoyed and disgusted and leave. After nearly eight years I've learned quite the opposite, he needs me as much as I need him. We can tackle this world together and I will always have someone in my corner. We have seen so many friends and family with broken marriages, especially recently - watching our families crumble around us, and as much as it hurts to watch, it only brings us closer together. Seems like strange logic, but it's true, we cling to each other. I'm convinced he's my penguin. :)

I know it's a lot to take in at 7:30 in the morning, but I just had to say it. I love Rob. I'm so thankful.

the rollercoaster of my life

Wow. What a day. Sorry I am so late in posting, it's just been insane here. We had last minute company. It was very emotional. Rob and I are so spent just from the past 24 hours, we are wiped.

Just really wanted to take a moment and say how amazing my husband is. I love him so much, he's incredible and I am so thankful for every day I have with him. He's so supportive and loving and kind and basically brilliant. I am suddenly so excited for the rest of our life together. I just don't think a love like ours comes along every day!

Anyhoo, I am really too tired to be typing, I just wanted to drop in and say hi, I'm really waiting up to see the big Oprah on Letterman event. Rob and I have been counting down for ten days now, we are so excited. Well, time to go, he's pretty funny tonight. I will update more tomorrow, I have a ton more to say.

Meme blog challenge #16
Scariest Movies I've ever seen:


eww! Scary movies. Not my thing at all! But I've watched a few - here they are in no particular order.

1) Signs. (this movie totally freaked me out because we live out in the woods and our neighbors could care less whether we live or die. Rob and I had trouble sleeping for weeks after we watched it - we still agree to never talk about it again! And we won't rent "the Village" until we move, even though we *love* M. Night Schamyln.)

2) The Fly. (a babysitter watched this when I was five or so, I didn't want to watch but she told me to close my eyes. I was supposed to be sleeping on the living room floor - in front of the tv. I still have nightmares about finding coarse hairs on Rob's back and giving birth to live maggot babies. EWWW!!!)

3) Night of the Living Dead. (seriously caught fifteen minutes of this movie and made Rob change the channel. Too stinking creepy for me!!)

4) Scream 1,2,& 3. (I love these flicks, so cheesy, and still I jump every time the music gets going!)

5) I Know What You Did Last Summer and I Still Know. (for a brief period we watched this kind of flick, very brief.)

That's about it I think. I'm way more into suspense movies, mind games rather than real horror. I get scared pretty easy. I'm a girly girl, that's all there is too it. But now, give me a movie like The Game or Double Jepeordy and I love that kind of thing.

tea time anyone?

good morning! And it is. I'm actually going out today - for something other than boxes or groceries! It's exciting! Having lunch with friends at my favorite local restaraunt - the Tea Room! It's such a girly frou-frou place. I'm in the perfect mood for it too, and I'm having an awesome hair day! Eli is *finally* feeling better, after a week of diarrea. I am so glad - he hasn't been to school in ten days and today he is going! And when I get home from lunch I am going to scrapbook! :) happy day, let me tell you!

making a dent

So I'm beginning to feel like I'm making progress with the packing. Probably packed ten boxes since yesterday afternoon, but that's a lot of sorting through stuff too. Went through all my upper kitchen cabinets this morning, packing any baking stuff - things I won't have time or energy to use between now and the 15th. Also packed food items that are seasonal or putzy. Now I'm hoping to use up a lot of my refrigerated/frozen food and any cans of whatever so I don't have to move too much! I need to tackle the bottom cabinets next, but I'm almost out of boxes. I also worked on the kids clothes - packing anything they could live without the next few weeks. It's a lot harder with four people, we have a lot of stuff! (which is ironic because it doesn't seem like it until I'm packing!) Still dreading my scrap cabinet, but I need to page plan first, so that's a nice excuse to put it off! I should be planning now, since Brea's sleeping, but instead I'm blogging. Story of my life. :)

Well, I really need to get moving. Being Tuesday, I have a long day and promised myself I wouldn't waste too much time on the internet, so I'd get a lot done and Rob would be all impressed with me. Not overwhelmed with this move yet, but talk to me in ten days, right?

Downloading my coolness.

It's terrible. I am so into LimeWire right now. It's a file-sharing program for MP3's. I'm reliving my youth something awful. Finding all the old music I listened to in high school. Right now I'm downloading music from "Brother, Where Art Thou?" - not from high school, but I really love the music. Rob accidently introduced me to LimeWire and I'm thinking he's regretting it because I've spent hours at it already, our music collection is up to about 1300 songs as of today. It's sick. I'm addicted. Slightly more productive than pea-ing. I'm trying to get all the music I'm really into before I get convicted about it and make myself stop.

Meanwhile it occured to me today that our move is literally two weeks away, and one of those weekends we are spending at Rob's moms, so I need to get packing. The idea of packing my scrap cabinet is making me claustrophobic (oobah, oobah) but I can do this. It will be worth it to have my studio instead of a dinky closet. I did pack three or four boxes this afternoon, but I've been really down with this sinus infection so not being too super productive. details.

Yesterday's layout. More Thanksgiving pictures. Interesting color combo, not sure what I think of it overall.

Found another fun challenge. My photo a day hasn't really been working out, but it's just cause we are all sick and I'm tired of photographing my messy half-packed house. Anyhoo, here it is. *note - I won't be doing these in order.


Meme Challenge # 17
Things you enjoy and the date you last did them:

1) Scrapbooking. (yesterday)
2) Dates w/ Rob. (Nov. 19, 2005)
3) Painting (2000 - stopped when Eli was born)
4) Drawing (last week, on the magnadoodle)
5) Home Decorating (2002 - in our home on Garretson)
6) Shopping (Nov. 20, 2005 - with Kim)
7) Blogging (right now!)
8) Pea-ing (daily)
9) Sight-seeing (Chicago trip - Oct 2005)
10) Photography (nearly every day)

I'm relieved to see that I get to do a lot of the things I enjoy doing. I do miss painting, but scrapbooking has really filled that void. I also know that my new home will be filled with a lot of things I enjoy doing, lots of space to do them in. Especially being crafty, decorating. I think having a special space dedicated to scrapbooking will be very freeing for me as well! Happy thoughts.

An update - since I haven't fallen off the edge of the universe. (just yet)

I've been listening to a lot of good music lately. My current favorites are Michael Buble home and the soundtrack to Garden State. Pretty amazing stuff. Kind of mellow. I need mellow right now. The home song just makes me think about what home is made of. I'm longing for that safety, the comfort of home. I haven't really ever had that in this house and I'm anxious to create it in IL. Funy how I've longed for it here for three years and never achieved it, but I know it will be near instant there. Can't explain my sure-ness of it, I just know. Something about being exactly in the place God has spent your whole life calling you too.

Anyhoo, back to music. Garden State is just good deep music. Great to scrapbook to. I've been playing a little bit. Finished a page last night, well into one this afternoon, but Sarah woke up abrubtly from her nap, so it's on hold for the time being.

Just got off the phone with Mom. Kind of whined to her. Shocking, I know. I'm just in that place. I re-read my post about last Sunday's sermon and suddenly I realize that God is so reminding me to be content. Testing what He's taught me. He's so funny that way. I need to just chill. Seriously, nineteen days and we'll be in the truck moving. (oobah, oobah, I can do this. be content, BE CONTENT!)

Really sick of sick people. :) Love em all to death, but no one is fun to be around when they have the flu.

Last night's scrapbook page. I was really too sick to scrap, but this page was kicking my butt and I wasn't going to let it win. I do like the end result. It's a challenge from the effers - if you had one wish... Interesting subject matter.