Anna-thology

my dad came to visit today.

It was good. We don't ever get much time to talk and it's too bad because we have great conversations when we do. It's emotionally draining though. He's changed so much in the past two years, he's like a new dad. It's awesome, but hard in the same breath, I'm still mourning the man he was while I grew up at home. His attitude is that he cannot change the past but he can be different in the future. I, of course, still have to grieve the past, but delight in his new lease on life. It's hard though, I wish he could have come to terms with all of this when I was younger, so we could have had more together.

We spent some time discussing his problems, raised without a mother and all. He had found some literature that really explained a lot about his attitudes and fears, and I understood, but it still hurts to re-hash the ways he has disappointed me in past years. I feel like he's making great strides to right the relationship, and I appreciate it and and have embraced the new him. I just have to come to terms with the past and understand that he had so many limitations, and he was doing the best he emotionally could. Still tough, I just want to lay down and cry now. Not because I hurt, more because I'm emotionally exhausted. I miss Rob too, we haven't spent much one on one time together lately and I always treasure that time. Hopefully we can find five minutes this afternoon and just hold each other. That always soothes the world's problems for me.