Anna-thology

winds of change are blowing

I've felt this for a while now. God is preparing me for something. He's planting seeds in my heart and I can feel them as each one starts to take root. I can't help but wonder what He's growing??
My kids are getting bigger. My time is coming. That sounds so selfish, but I think after eight years home (at the point that Sarah starts school) that I will be deserving of some personal life goals, don't you?
I went through a period of being terrified of making a decision. Being so excited about so many things and not knowing where to turn my focus. Thankfully, I think that stage is over.
I'm not any closer to making a decision, but I can feel God making decisions for me. Or at least cluing me in on a general direction. I'm starting to connect the dots of my talents and giftings and can see where God might want me to use them beyond these four walls, or (ha) this half acre of church and parsonage. Let me clarify for a moment, it's not that I don't feel satisfied doing my work here. I completely do. But I also, very strongly feel that God is calling me to something bigger. He designed me with this desire and that's why I think He intends to honor it.
I know that God is doing something in my heart, not only because I can feel it, but because I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in about ten days. I've been plagued with nightmares. The only times I have these type of intense horrible dreams are when God is doing something big - and satan is trying to distract and dishearten me. I'm tired, but his efforts are doing the opposite, I'm gaining momentum and excitement. It must be big if satan is working this hard to discourage me.
I'm excited. I can feel it building in me. There was another time when I felt like this in my life - years ago. Rob and I were promised and then engaged. He was in Springfield, MO at bible college while I was in Missouri Valley, IA doing a jewelry apprenticeship. It was tough to be 400 miles apart, but I strongly felt God preparing my heart for marriage. The time I spent with God during those 9 months were some of the most intimate in my life. And I feel it again. That is exciting.
I can see where I can be preparing in the daily. I can be studying the word. I can be moving closer to Him. I can start here with my family and this church. And I can hang on tight to God for the wild ride that will be my life.
So, I'm sure you're waiting for the 'what's next?' statement in this blog. Oh, no, I don't have that yet. I'm not even expecting it for a couple years. I'm just going to hunker down for this season of preparation and wait on the Lord for the next step. I'm going to keep seeking and growing and learning and blessing in the process. I'm going to be faithful and see where He takes me.
I will, however, share my hints. In the past few months I've developed a huge desire to preach and teach - which was never anything I had any inclination to do before. Teaching the Next Gen class has been really good for me. I feel like I'm gaining valuable experience. I also have (and have always had) a huge desire to travel and photograph. This desire has only magnified since France. I have a heart to help people, to serve them, to meet their daily needs.
I think I'm going to be looking into going on a short-term missions trip here in the next few years. I feel like that is one way that God could really use me.