hate

I am continually amazed at the power of hate. I can remember being a little girl (insert Eli saying "WHOA - you were a little girl once Mommy??") and first hearing about the Ku Klux Klan and just not understanding how people could hate so. Then re-experiencing that confusion when I first heard about the holocaust. And then even moreso when I actually understood what the people did to Jesus.
Hate.
I can't even stand the sound of it.
Looking back at my life, I'm trying to decide if I've ever really hated anyone. Oh sure, I've had people I really couldn't stand, people I'd avoid in the hallways or prefer to see move out of state or whatever. But I've never wished anyone dead, or hoped that something bad would happen to my enemies. It's just not the way I function. Even as a child I had a pretty solid concept of the 'love others' thing, just being a Christian and knowing that Christ died for all my sins - sins I hadn't even committed yet.
So this hate thing boggles my mind.
And yet...
I've had quite a few encounters with people who absolutely hate me.
Seriously.
I guess I'm an acquired taste - either you love me or you hate me and there are some haters out there. Well, we'll just say that hate may not be a strong enough word.
For instance, back in the day when I worked at Sears. Whoo, I torked off this girl I worked with so bad. She saw me at the mall after I had called in sick and she decided that I wasn't sick and she just started screaming at me - right there in the middle of the mall. I mean screaming!! I don't hate people, but I do hate confrontation! Especially public confrontation. I nearly died. To this day, I can see that girl's face, screaming six inches from mine. (shudders) Oh, and for the record, I was sick. I had been to the dr that day and I had pnueomonia. We were out picking up my antibiotics and I had pictures that were developed. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm One-Hour-Photo-Girl and it killed me just leaving them there, so we ran in to pick them up that day.
Mom said something to me - about how I never felt accepted by my dad growing up so I struggle with acceptance from everyone else. Interesting. I wouldn't necessarily call it feeling accepted by my dad, I just always got the feeling he was annoyed that I existed. I knew that he loved me, but I didn't understand how he could say he loved me and still treat me the way he did. So maybe I didn't feel loved?? Not sure, but something along those lines screwed me up and now, when people hate me I can't just say 'so' like some people and move on. It really eats me up inside and I want to make it right - which probably makes those haters just hate me more for trying so hard.
Pretty deep. Sorry. Just what I've been thinking about all day.